James Kingstone's Weekly MotoZania madness

Bikes, Babes, Booze, Bands, Beer-Bellies, Bald, Bearded, Bad its the Bulldog Bash.

2011-08-19T23:17:00.000-07:00

I have never seen so many bald, bearded men outside of a monastery. So many looked like bulldogs I figured that's how the gathering got its name! I'll back up a bit. Friday 12th August saw me riding my absolutely-opposite-to-Harley BMW F800GS along the rather tedious A3/M25/M40 to get to the gorgeous countryside around Stratford-on-Avon. I am not a Harley guy, but for MotoZania.com I was pleased to attend the Bulldog Bash at the Shakespeare County Raceway up in Warwickshire. I chose Friday because that was the night that Status Quo were playing. I pretty much knew what I'd see. Lots of Hells Angels and other biker gangs/groups/clubs. What surprised me was the friendliness, politeness and helpfulness of everyone. In spite of the place looking like a reunion party of axe murderers all these tough-looking guys were really most pleasant even when hammered on beer and dancing like madmen to Bad Manners. If they bumped you whilst staggering past they apologised like gentlemen. Most amusing. There was no shortage of 'hard cases' though so I went my meek and mild way to the various attractions.I arrived with just enough daylight to get some snaps of bikes and babes, enjoy an expensive beer and try some of the hog roast. I think I got the roasted air filter in my bun. I wandered about a bit then heard an almighty roar that made me leg it to the drag strip. I've never been to a drag race. The jet-powered car was unbelievable and ripped down the track in 6 odd seconds. trying to snap a photo from the stands was... ahhhh... challenging. One has to be rather quick.
I made sure to get as close as possible to the enormous concert stage. I felt a tad out of place with my neat new textile suit, off-road helmet and an American Axion backpack that the Brits reckon looks like a Hoover (read vacuum cleaner) on my back. Everyone else was in sleeveless vests of denim or leather covered by a million badges from events all over the world. I heard French and German spoken too so the get together is obviously well known in Europe.
In spite of looking like a goldfish at a vulture's feast everyone smiled and nodded and just got into the atmosphere of bikes, booze and bands. Needless to say, once the horns got blaring from Bad Manners and the ska guitars got chinking away the whole crowd was jumping. I reckon 10,000 on Friday night but it could have been more. There was an erie silence as everyone shuffled tighter and forward for Status Quo. Quo are an English rock legend that capitalised on the simple 3 chord, hammer-on 12 bar blues/rock pattern that has had people (like my parents in war-torn London) dancing from Glen Millar's 'In The Mood' big-band boogy style through 'Blue Suede Shoes' to Clapton and beyond. NO ONE CAN STAND STILL. As soon as Quo broke into Rockin All Over The World it was dance mayhem. The bass drum made my Hoover backpack jump and the crowd LOVED them. Simple but effective. They finished at 11pm. I wandered back to my BMW still dancing and singing in my helmet. A friendly couple on a Suzuki 600 Bandit that looked as out-of-place as me chatted to me about the BMW as I clobbered up for the long ride home. He was bored with a Jap 4 and wanted a twin again. It was quite chilly as I rode home so I stopped at a beautiful pub on the outskirts of Banbury and fitted the inner lining to my jacket. I even used the heated grips! Home at 2am. 66mpg average. 80-90mph most of the way. I just liked the twisty A286 from Milford to Haslemere. Bulldog Bash will be a must again next year. LOADS of bands. And rather friendly monks too.

Warm Welcome at the gate

Good light show too

Even the trucks have to scare you

Camped up right outside

Rick Parfitt Status Quo

The other Rossi

What IS this?

The THING close up

Triumph of colour and chrome

Forks and more forks

Brotherhood of Street Racers

What a way to go!

Hells Angel from Ireland

Rocket dragster blows past

That was fast

Happy Bunny

Ford Fairlane custom car

Bulldog Bash images

Dragster takes off

Start them young

More protesting keeps me busy.

2010-09-21T09:43:00.000-07:00

OK so I disappeared for several months. I've been busy. Sing along...'We're busy doing nothing, working the whole day through, trying to find lots of things not to do'. Yup, I'm a Brit builder. Dodgy as a Wall Street banker with White House connections. Actually, I've just not been in the mood to write at all. Too busy building an art studio so that I can get back to oil painting. It's been YEARS since I painted. I bought a load of scaffolding planks really cheap and built a studio. Woodburning stove and antique style sink to clean out the brushes. It all takes time.

On the biking front I have never stopped! Man oh man but I have clocked up some miles on the Aprilia RSV. I still love it.

After my brief protest ride with Bike magazine I learned of another ride to protest against Westminster Council charging bikes to park in London. Greedy, money-grabbing and arrogant often seems to describe the local councils of England. We all hate them with a vengeance. So when I heard that loads of bikers were meeting at the Ace Cafe on the North Circular to ride around the whole of the M25 I just had to see it. Saturday 19th of June 2010. Of course the campaign to stop the charges were doomed never to succeed but being surrounded by almost 2,000 bikes all thundering along all 3-4 lanes of the M25 was great! The Police seemed to love it and were helpful and friendly. A very petite young lady dropped her Kawasaki just as we were queueing to leave and oil was dripping from a damaged crankcase. I follwed her in case she broke down but she managed as far as South Mimms (that silly name again) where a rescue truck took her and her bike home. Everyone was enjoying the ride and one girl said it was her first ever protest ride. We laughed about finding any excuse to protest something just to ride with thousands of bikes. I did 2/3s of the M25 and then peeled off at junction 10 for the A3 home. It took the whole day but the sheer spectacle of being in the midst of all those bikes was fabulous.

Whatever next?

A ride through France anyone?

Lethaly slow...

2010-09-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

Sunday June 6th 2010. 4:30am. I wake up. As in 'BOING' eyes like golf balls in egg cups. I was heading off at about 7am to join the Bike Magazine Save Our 60s protest ride. Well, protest may be a tad strong for our 'revolution' ride. It seemed more like we were saying "Excuse me Sir Mr. Politician but would you mind awfully if we trundled about a bit and begged you to keep the 60mph speed limit? At least in one or two places? Pretty, pretty please?"

I left too early and killed too much time over a CostaLotta coffee at South Mimms motorway stop (who ever came up with that name?) I therefore arrived just in time at the Bike offices car park to see a fair few bikers and Simon Hargreaves of Bike magazine on the roof of some portacabin attempting to explain things. We were all so well behaved one could hardly describe it as a protest. Just in front of my pigface RSV was a beautiful 04 Aprilia RSV. Very sexy and modern. What a difference a year makes... The point of the ride from Bike magazine's perspective was probably more about gauging readership and their loyalty/support. The scenery as we rode out from Peterborough was astounding. I had no idea that there were such biscuit-tin beautiful villages. I love the old stone bridges. So quaint they are corny. Love it.

We were headed to Melton Mowbray (of pork pie fame folks) and we all knew to ride staggered and no overtaking. No speeding, no wheelies and drive-by shooting of Rover drivers was mildly discouraged too. Pity.The ride was uneventful until we nearly lost the leaders of this tortuously twisting B-road blockade due to some little fart on a Harley. He was supposed to be protesting that 60mph was a sane speed yet he never went over 29mph!!! Lethaly slow. Finally, the exasperated 04 Aprilia rider blasted past him as the pack disappeared into some tiny country road. We all overtook the little nerd who I noted was the same size in all directions. Naturally.

In Melton Mowbray I topped up my disappearing clutch fluid (I've since learned it's just the O ring and it will be done at the next service) and queued for ages as hundreds of bikers waited for one little old lady to make one styrofoam cup of tea at a time and take the cash. Short notice of our arrival she cheerfully said. Absolutely no concept of making 20 cups at once and then just handing them over. Nope, each one received its teabag and she stirred it and squeezed out the bag. Good time to chat to other bikers. I managed a quick chat with a few of the staff whose articles I really enjoy and then I split from the protest ride and relished some sweeping country roads home. A good day out, a good cause and please can we protest some more sir?.

P.S. Bike magazine even printed one of my silly comments. Fame at last.

Hydraulics and good vibrations

2010-06-09T07:44:00.000-07:00

I spent Wednesday walking Prague and snapping away. One of the first places I saw was a restaurant and jewellers called Kingstone! Later I went for a meal in a small courtyard restaurant. The waiter spoke German and offered me a 'typical Czech dinner. It was pork in a brown gravy with slices of dumpling that looked like bread with cream and cranberries. I did not like the gravy at all. I have tried many Czech beers but nothing was really outstanding. Still, the atmosphere was fabulous and I will return one day. Thursday morning I packed and went to ride off when the clutch lever just flopped to the bar. The Hydraulic fluid had gone. Now I was suspicious of a leak as I had had the bike serviced just over a week before. The hotel receptionist was extremely helpful and after a few miles walking I was back with dot4 fluid from a petrol station. Cost me a fiver. I topped it up but did not bleed it so it was a right fandango to ride with just a few millimetres of play. Add to that my misreading of the google maps and I ended up taking the old Highway6 out to Germany instead of the new Autobahn 6 directly to Nuernberg! It deposited me 50 miles to the north of the A6 in germany. The route was so tortuous and diverted and ripped up by endless roadworks that four hours later I cheered with relief as I saw the big sign declaring 'Freistat Bayern'. I had made it to Bavaria! I rode to a petrol station, tanked up on fuel and Nurnberger Bratwurst and a Weissbier. I had to cancel my visit to my former boss and ride all the way to Offingen (near Augsburg in southern Bavaria). My son-in law has a well equipped workshop there. He's designing and building a very specialised drill rig. It uses sonic vibration to drill through very difficult terrain. I managed to find the slave cylinder and bleed the clutch that evening. It's very satisfying to do maintenance work on your bike. Normally I am too lazy to bother. At the restaurant that evening I chatted to two lads who were WALKING from the very south of Germany to the far north of the Country. They were dressed in the traditional clothes of a journeyman (apprentice builder). People seemed to like that they were keeping the tradition alive and helped them in any way they could. Friday morning I spent servicing the RSV and learning all about Paul's rig. He invented a new type of slurry pump and I stayed to see it tested. I was late getting away and then I hit major traffic on the A8/A5/A6. It began to pour down so I dodged under an overpass with some other bikers and slipped on my waterproofs. A bit like closing the gate after the horse has bolted but I needed to minimise the soaking. Needless to say 15 minutes up the road on the way to Mannheim the sun came out and cooked me! I've worked out how to control the weather. If you want rain for your garden - light a BBQ. If you want sunshine put on rain gear. I couldn't make it to Brussel so I called my friend and then found a hotel in Aachen for the night. Wienerschnitzel and Weissbier fixed all the aches and I started my calculations for fuel consumption on the trip. I first called at a small hotel named Goering! It was full. I think I'd change the name if it was mine! Saturday morning saw me up at 6am and riding fast in the cold air to Brussel. Now as much as I like Brussel, it is the most difficult city in the world to find your way around. Every roundabout has 20 streets coming off of it and the street names are so long and the sign (if there is one) so small that you have no chance of reading it. I went by instinct and memory and managed to get within 2 minutes of Lionel's place before resorting to calling him for directions. It was great to see him again and after a few coffees he kindly drove ahead of me and put me on the E40 to Calais. Two hours later I was boarding the ferry for home. Where, of course, it was pissing down. I had a good chat with some BMW R1200GS riders and we all had to pull in and pull on the rain gear. It stopped raining.
Home, pub, reflect, calculate, download over 200 photos, sleep like Rip Van Winkle. One thing I learned, my next trip will be a relaxing tour with Extra Mile Bike Tours! The next weekend is the Bike protest ride where we can all pretend we are hippies. That's the next blog.

Then we take Berlin...

2010-06-09T06:14:00.000-07:00

It would be hard to ask for anything better. The sun was shining and at last the temperature is summer grade instead of arctic. My tank bag/tail pack arrived the day before departure. I had spent hours running around looking for a tank bag in case it didn’t arrive but hated the strap-on tank bags. Way too messy and complicated and even they wouldn’t work on the RSV.

I was none too pleased to realise that it has a plastic tank. Even more irritating was to discover that the dealer who sold it to the previous owner had done a PDI and not even noticed that the filler cap assembly had no seals. Petrol poured from a filled tank on hard acceleration and, trust me, a burning willie does not make for a fun ride. I will get the proper gaskets but there was no way to get them before my first big ride. So I used a huge O ring from some tractor oil filter. It’s not a perfect fit but it seems to have done the job. I was averaging about 40-42mpg and the first tankful on the ride to Dover averaged over 50mpg. That was at speeds of about 80mph for 90% of the trip. The M25 was flowing nicely and THAT was a miracle akin to turning water into wine. Tanked up and booked in I rolled to the ferry with no passport checks and was ushered onto the Sea France ferry within 5 minutes of arrival by biker-friendly staff. I'm a member of MAG and booked through Sport Travel Solutions (Julie Warnes) after reading her advert and saved quite some money.

Sea France had solid fixings and a clean, modern, spacious ship. I chatted to a few bikers. Some riding to watch MotoGP at Le Mans, two French lads that had just completed a tour of England and Wales and a well-travelled Buell rider and his partner that were touring the Rhine. The English are a bit reserved in answering questions about where they hail from so we laughed when we eventually discovered we were virtually neighbours! Off I wandered amongst 10 million school kids from all over Europe and grabbing a cold beer sat at a table looking at France and listening to Bob Dylan and Mick Jagger on my MP3. The sun was still shining!

I had pre-booked my hotel in Duisburg and agreed to do my best to be there by 8:30pm. I was off the ferry at 5pm and had to do 380Km in 3 1/2 hours. Not a big problem...until one learned that it was a European bank holiday and that some twit in Antwerp managed to stuff his car into someone else's bloody 'baby on board' 4x4 barge. As my sister says, "I hope he had the courtesy to kill himself". 50Km of 'Stau' and I get to crawl through at 20Km per hour! Once out the other end of the nightmare I hunkered down behind the screen and leathered it. It's not all that pleasurable across Belgium. There are only 40 ton articulated lorries from Poland and Slovenia on their motorways. Solid walls of these behemoths prevent anyone from entering or exiting the motorways!

I finally managed to make the Netherlands (I call it the Never-never-lands on account of the boredom). There I noted that all humans in a car are TOWING. I mean TOWING. Trailers, caravans, fold-down-tents, anything as long as they tow something! I now know that Dutch babies are born with an "anhangerkuplung" (towball) on their arse. There does seem to be a competition between how many bicycles you can attach to the rear of your Volvo and how upright you can sit as you tow your caravan but in general the scheme is simple. Bring Germany to a halt by towing things at a slow pace.

I finally entered Germany at some ungodly speed. Well, it was actually quite modest but on an Aprilia RSV1000 120mph FEELS like 280mph. All my mental calculations to stay awake worked as I rolled past the Duisberg 'Chemie Fabrik stink' and a bit beyond that pong found my hotel. Very nice for the price. As the landlady rushed out for her night out I sauntered to a pub for Frikedelen (hamburgers with nothing but mustard) and a few Weissbier. The people were so friendly it was embarrassing.

Saturday morning I enjoyed a superb german breakfast for old times sake and headed off to see an old friend near Bielefeld. I got there on time to find he had a very clean Yamaha 750 V-twin Super Tenere. We rode to his new house in the forest and then said our goodbyes. 400Km to my daughter's apartment in Berlin. It was 2pm. Could I make it for my estimated 6pm? Try 6:05 mate! And it would have been 5:30pm but for Google maps!

So I managed Berlin at the said time and really liked it. That city needs a few visits to get it all. My daughter Stephanie and her husband Paul took me around on Sunday on a mountain bike with a hatchet for a saddle but even the medeival torture machine couldn't spoil the day. I was most amazed by the number of canals/tributaries/rivers...hence the map link as I remembered just how important rivers are in European history. No river? Your a NOBODY DUDE! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Elbe_Einzugsgebiet.png

During one of our walks to a really cool Sunday market we saw a baby bird learning to fly. I patted it and as I took it's photo the mother flew down and fed it a grub! The poor little bugger flew into windows and cars but was learning quickly. It reminded me of my riding...crash, try again, crash, try again. The Sunday market was packed and my favourite was the 'beach bar'. Soft sand, cool beer and live music. Check out the photo of the 'Ordungsamt' chap. It means Orderliness Bureau! Only in Germany eh?

Then off to Dresden where I tried to warm up at a petrol station en route and met Peter the Aussie pilot with a 1951 VW Beetle. Dresden was lovely but my stop was just for a few moments to snap some pics. Then on to Prague. I stopped near the border to learn that as a motorcyclist I did not need to buy a Vignette for the motorways for 10Euros. (£2,000 I assume by today's rates - I renamed the GBP as Great British Pesos). The flat, boring roads gave way to increasing hills of serious height and beauty. The roads here are very good as motorways and even the rougher small roads are in FAR better repair than Britains A roads. It's unbelievable to suddenly view England as a third world country (try 4th world). The bike has been perfect but as I entered Prague in rush hour the clutch hydraulics began to play up a wee bit and gave me a few anxious moments as the bike tried to imitate one of those bucking-bull rides at big BBQs. Arriving in rush hour with a grabby clutch and looking for somewhere to stay (cheap) had me a tad stressed for 5 minutes. I spotted some 'apartments' and enquired. Cheap, 10 minutes from the old town and I can cook for myself. Cool. The fact that my Aprilia is right opposite a Police station has me smug as a bug in a rug.

1/2 an hour later I was off with my camera in my now ripped jeans (damn!) as my leathers aired in a spacious room with TV and WiFi. Endless lanes and gorgeous buildings soon had me lost but not worried. I was opposite the Florence Police station so I didn't need to memorize Vrdlakbkyzchy...

After another glorious day it's started to rain so I decided to spend the evening with a few Czech biers and some Moldavian red wine in my cheapo apartment. I'll cook some pasta later. I have a million photos of Prague (A MUST VISIT CITY) and I really loved the views in Dresden too. How beautiful it must have been before Churchill ordered it's destruction (Retaliation for the bombing of Coventry) is beyond imagining. Hence the map (I LOVE maps!) of the Elbe that starts here and flows to Hamburg. (Not McDonalds you duffers! The original city!) By the way, I'm enjoying an ORIGINAL Budweiser (Budvar) beer! Looks like Anhauser-Busch even stole the logo!

I'm not keen on the food here. The tins in the supermarket have that 'eastern' "soviet troops in the trenches" look and seems to be mostly fish of suspicious origin. Smoking is so common that all you hear in adjoining rooms is the splatter of lung-chunks against walls. It's easy to spot eastern slav guys. They look like avatars through the fag smoke...Borat has nothing on my political incorrectness eh?

I was too busy gawking at the architecture to Czech out the Czicks but this city has a lot of nice looking ladies. The problem is - they speak Czech! OMG is this an UGLY language! I have taken photos of some posters and signs. The best was a political poster (one assumes) with the slogan of Vrzlidgy pidgy! That's as close as I can come. Brzldvky vldsaziky prznatsky says it all. Everything ends in the letter Y. See my blog photos (coming soon to a cinema near you) of Mezy Hot Dogy available at all good petrol stations. One assumes mustard is available too...

Reading your little free hotel map is beyond mortals with an IQ under 4678 but the people like English and it's amazing how many speak it well enough to help. I use the sun to navigate.

Well it looks like I am facing rain for the last 2 1/2 days of my ride but I'll bet I scoot through untouched! hahahaha. My froggtoggs suit kept me warm on the ride south from Berlin so if it keeps me dry tomorrow then all's well. I'll attempt to post a photo album of my trip. I say attempt as these web blogs are horrific to work with.

Hope you are all safe and sound and happy and very jealous...

As we say in Prague... Vczsky mldgvisky brnosknzgky. Go figure.

R1MadBrit rides the awsome Moto Morini and manages to park his Aprilia in London!

2010-05-12T09:12:00.000-07:00

Wow am I late getting this blog out! My pooter blew. As in Windows7 opens but without any sign-in box. It's going back for repairs. My lousy luck is world famous (Everyone sing along: "If it wasn't for bad luck -I wouldn't have no luck at all"). Let me explain. I DO have 'luck' in many huge areas of life. But Sod's Law rules every minute of it. I'm sort of like a chap that wins a round-the-world boat trip only to find the terms and conditions stipulate you spend the entire trip sitting on a drawing pin (thumb tack to Yanks). So I thought I should report my incident of last night that flies in the face of reason. I parked my motorcycle in Westmnster!

I was due to meet my business partner at a curry house in London for a freebie meal. I checked motorcycle parking spaces on my sister's pooter to find that Westminster charges to park bikes now. (Greedy swine councillors!) Undetered I left a bit of extra time and rode off into the sunset. Oddly enough I even got a tad muddled on the route in and wasted a further 5 minutes. Then a detour due to road works at the bottom of Queensway added another 5 minutes. I finally rode past the front door of said restaurant and swung right immediately as I saw a motorcycle-only-parking-bay right across the road. There was even a tiny spave left next to the 3,756 Honda 90 Pizza delivery bikes. I squeezed in, making sure not even my mirror crossed the end-of-bay white line so the gangs of Somalian Traffic Wardens couldn't book me, checked the fees and found that they stop charging at 6:30pm. It was EXACTLY 6:30pm. Cocky sod enters curry house as a dozen Bin Laden-look-alikes leave...

Flippin' cold riding home. 6C (42F)! Britain's longest winter I reckon!

I have been riding quite a bit lately. Mostly to visit dealers to promote Extra Mile Bike Tours and MotoZania.com. One event I really enjoyed was an evening at Haslemere Motorcycles (no longer in Haslemere though!) where R1 riding World Superbike star James Toseland attended. There are pics and video of his visit on their website.

Now I expected the usual breeze in, wave, rush out leaving 6 signed autographs. Nope. This boy was gracious, witty and pleasant and spent the entire evening there signing autographs for a queue that went round the block and then he sat and played the electric piano and sang for us! At just 23 years of age his many talents blew us away. Now I am not an autograph hunter but I did get my poster with a signature for the 'office' wall. It seemed disrespectful not to!

On that evening the sales chap Mark asked me if I had seen 'IT'. ??? 'IT' turned out to be a Suzuki Burgman with a big label that said Sold to James Kingstone on it! The RATS! In front of all those people! My mate Andy will laugh about that! Andy and I sneeringly suggest that the other should be doddering about on a Burgerman with day-glo safety harness and tesco carrier bags in the footwells. Haslemere Motorcycles have indulged our pranks on one another for many years. Now it was my turn to get sneered at. With a cast of thousands present. I'll kill you guys! I also met the Yamaha rep that night who described the new R1 in terms that made me drool and doubt my change to Aprilia. One day I'll snag a ride and see how good it is. When I win the Lotto...

The problem James Toseland's niceness has created for me is that I was cheering for Leon Camier on the Aprilia RSV4 in World Superbikes. Now I have to cheer for BOTH of them! (Not that that is odd for me. I cheered for both Munich Bayern and Manchester United as they battled it out in footbal. United won. Very dramatic. We thought the lads would beat me up in the pub as I cheered for the Germans but once I explained they laughed and bought me pint.)

I met Leon very briefly at LAX awaiting passport control some years ago and sort of cheered him on ever since. When he romped away with the British Superbike title last year on the Yamaha R1 I was at Brands to cheer him on. I must be effective at cheering because he won all 3 races. (It was a bank holiday Monday). That was the day the Rover destroyed my beloved '98 R1. I blasted it from Brands and slowing to a pleasant pootle with just 5 miles to go...kerbang! Over the bonnett and down the road. Yesterday I went for an MRI scan on the busted hand and foot, 9 months later.

Anyway, there I was as a happy R1 supporter and Camier went to Aprilia. And then I bought my Aprilia RSV1000. So I cheer for Aprilia and feel guilty every time I sign into MotoZania.com as R1MadBrit. Maybe I need to change to R1RSVMadBrit? I think just Mad Brit would be more appropriate.

One of the dealers I visited was Three Cross Motorcycles near(ish) Wimborne, Dorset. I do believe Leon Camier lives there. Anyway, salesman and generally good chap Steve Thomas takes me in to a showroom to show me a Moto Morini 1200 Corsaro in Italian red with Termignonis. Starts the beast up. OMG it was like Armaggedon with a sidestand. He casually asked if I had my licence (always my dear boy) and said he needed me to ride it 20 miles to the petrol station to fill the tank. The sun was shining, roads near empty, the fields were golden and the English countryside looked like a 1920's Weetabix advert! That bike is AMAZING! Grunt? That bugger will pull dead elephants up walls! The supermoto stance was very confidence inspiring and in no time at all I felt relaxed and comfortable. I liked the low-speed handling and the swooping bend-altering flight was more akin to snowboarding. I was planning to mug someone to buy it! 30mph, 6th gear, I opened up and away she went without a glitch or a "how's your auntie?". As I rolled into Three Cross Motorcycles to return the bike a chap was waiting his turn to test ride. Asked my opinion the second I dismounted all I could stammer was "WOW". He grinned and went off to change into his gear. If he can afford it I hate his guts...

I know it sounds like this is a plug for that dealer but the atmosphere in the place was excellent and I like that. I will say though that almost all the dealers I have visited in England are super friendly.

I also visited Snell Ducati in Alton Hampshire to say hello to 'Desmo' Dave. He raved about the Desmo and the new Multistrada which is selling like Nissan Micras at a pensioner's convention. Apparently they have the last Desmo you can buy so nick yer local MP's fiddled expenses and get down there.

Another event I enjoyed was the Goodwood Breakfast Club on Sunday 2nd May. A mate from the pub with a Triumph tiger 955i met me at 8am and off we rode with threats of rain overhead. The ride from Haslemere to Goodwood is GLORIOUS with cute English villages and forested twisty roads. The breakfast was £10! We wandered amongst the bikes and old vehicles for an hour and then blatted our way back to our local pub where an even bigger English breakfast is just £3.69. Gotta save for fuel. We just beat the rain too. Oh dear, it's raining, I guess we'll just HAVE to have a pint until it stops...

Photos: Don't mention the war! VW camper van one can hire if one can withstand 20mpg at $6.92 per US Gallon. The biggest bike I have ever seen the Boss Hoss bus - my lens wasn't wide enough to get the sauna in the topbox. A MotoGuzzi single cylinder Italian Army bike with weedy rifle. No wonder they surrendered. Proof that spring has sprung in England and the streets are lined with blossoms. And Rovers!

Finally, I got the Aprilia serviced by Racing Creations and took Paul Coltman's advice to ride the A339 home through Alton. What a lovely English road! The sunshine has been much appreciated but it's still so flamin' cold! I blame the Highafalutin Iceland volcano.

Last but not least I am investigating the price of shipping my 05R1 from AZ to UK (or even Spain). I say investigating because not one of the logistic companies has responded to my on-line requests for a price. I really just want to sell the bike but no one seems to be buying Stateside right now so I'd rather have it where I can enjoy it. If anyone knows a good international bike shipper I'd like to hear from them.

Just alive in spite of the weather here...

2010-03-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

Try this for a wrist-slitting list.
It's Tuesday. Even the name of the day is ugly.
It's raining. Again. After months of non-stop winter rain it has started again. They predict 34 years of non-stop rain here in England. I read it on google.
I have bronchitis. I cough all night. The green goop bitter cough syrup does NOT work. How can it? It goes it's petro-chemical, poisonous route to my stomach. The cough is in my lungs you duffer doctors! This gunk is supposed to line your throat. The only thing that will stick in one's throat are Lima beans and fish bones. The antibiotics will work just before I die from lack of sleep.
Slit those wrists yet folks? This will cheer you up! I still really like my Aprilia RSV Mille.
See! The very mention of a bike and we are all happy, healthy and full of dreams to ride to far-flung places. (Who flung them there anyway?) What we Brits mean by far-flung places is anywhere the sun shines for at least 1 hour a week. So when the sun did pop out and the polar bears retreated I took my first real ride (over 2 hours each way). It seems a lot of people want me and my tools to do jobs so after promising to help an old friend I realised my old Golf was off the road and I'd have to lug some hefty tools in a backpack to Colchester way out in Essex. (I think they send space probes out there). It qualifies as far-flung not only on distance but because it apparently sees more sunshine than any other part of Britain.
So here are two photos to prove that Essex people have seen the sun and to maybe convince some of you adventurous Americans to skip Hawaii this year and call us about some fabulous British rides to historical places and pubs. (Who cares if the pub's historical?) The top photo is a popular pub near Colchester on the estuary to the English Channel and the second photo is Colchester Castle of which I know nothing. Actually, Colchester is the oldest city in the UK and was founded by the Romans so there is a lot of history in the town. There is a very old, oak half-timbered Inn where some chaps in boats shot muskets at some other chaps hiding inside (probably some Catholic versus Protestant fight) whilst rowing past. My then 13 year old son drily remarked "World's first drive-by shooting".
Haslemere to Colchester is not a very long ride but with about 60lbs of tools in a backpack I stuck to the dull but quick A3/M25/A12 route. Great coming back over Dartford. At the top of the bridge the views of the Thames are superb. Three things eventually emerged from my longish ride. Speed: I definitely ride slower on this baby. It may well prove a licence saver. The reason is because I enjoy the character of the engine so much I don't NEED to go as fast. The big thrill with the R1 was the RUSH of acceleration. The thrill of the RSV is in the sound and the handling. I'm all too content to burble along. I'm sure the Autobahns will alter that. Fuel Economy: I can't reach the R1's 45mpg but I can manage about 41mpg on the Aprilia. Whilst at the NEC bike show I reported that I had been given a fuel additive to test. Well I have not forgotten and after a few more tankfuls and some long runs I will see if that product helps. Watch this space.
Comfort: The R1 just has the edge on comfort as respects hand/pegs/bum angles so I will be looking at altering the gear-change and rear brake levers to see what I can do to suit my frame. The clutch/front-brake levers are fully adjustable. The mirrors are also to be commended as absolutely clear and sharp with no fuzz of vibration. If my cold-weather gear wasn't so wide on the arms as the wind flattens it I would have very good rear vision. Just tuck in the arm a bit and spot the copper! Wrist-ach was no problem. Oh, by the way, it seems the bike likes me as the constant resetting to Kilomtres has stopped.
My latest plan is to ride to Prague to Czech it out (couldn't resist that one) via Berlin where my daughter now resides. Then on down to Munich to see friends and home via the Black Forest (Schwartzwald) if I have the time/cash/stamina. For that ride I want my twin-lens video fitted so I'll be seeing Paul Coltman of Racing Creations about servicing and adjustments and fitting out the video camera.
See how bike riding plans can fight off rain/bronchitis-induced depression? That and a copy of Bike Magazine with a nice hot cuppa...

Interview with Racing creations UK

2010-03-03T05:13:00.000-08:00

I met with Paul Coltman in a pub in Farnborough. It was my first time out on my new Aprilia RSV Mille and his first words were "Brilliant choice for a road bike" so that cheered me up!

Paul is just 28 years old (so I hate him) yet so experienced I wondered where I had gone wrong with my life! He teaches motor vehicles at Farnbourough Tech, runs a MotoX team, a motorcycle repair and design business, supports the Naomi House Hospice (http://www.naomihousehospice.co.uk/) and still has time to meet with the likes of me. Needless to say, there were a few sponsor phone calls during our meeting.

Paul has been riding since 6 years of age (Suzuki RM50) and is fully trained on Yamaha, Suzuki, Honda, KTM and probably all the others too! Paul's core business is his design work. The focus is on value for money. He and Kyle also service and repair bikes at a very acceptable £25 per hour and they know their stuff. I'll be getting Paul to look after the RSV for me for sure. They are based in Basingstoke in Hampshire and do tyres, race prep and performance tuning including flow testing exhausts and reprofiling cams yet they will do an ordinary service for you too. No snobbery here mate! Good blokes!

This a guy that built an 08 YamahaR1 to produce 208bhp AT THE REAR WHEEL! Apparently it did 138mph in 1st gear, 153mph in 2nd, 168mph in 3rd and 182mph in 4th. They didn't have enough track to test 5th and 6th but estimated top is in the region of 225mph. He also raced it against his tuned Busa and left it for dead. (Do NOT read this Peter Cameron!)

Racing Creations MX are contesting the BritishMX3 Open Championship, the Maxxis British Championships, Red Bull Pro National and the British 2-Stroke Championships and the Motorcycle Federation Silkolene Fuchs 2 stroke championship.

Zack Blackwell, 23, a British Junior Champion will ride the Yamaha 250 2 stroke and Brett Wheeler, also 23, will be on the 2009 Yamaha 450 four stroke.

JK: What's your favourite circuit?

Paul: Maisemore in Somerset near the Cheddar Gorge. It's beautiful and well set up.

JK: How many people constitute the Racing Creations MX team?

Paul: There are six of us in all including my wife.

JK: What size of audience attend a MX event?

Paul: MX3 2-3,000 at £15 a ticket, Red Bull events pull 10,000+ ... same sort of price.

JK: TV exposure for your sponsors?

Paul: Most definitely. Sky Sports Max Power, Extreme TV, Blood Sweat and Gears...

JK: Indoor and outdoor events?

Paul: In 2010 we'll be contesting 23 outdoor meets and 5 indoor, all towards the end of the season. Liverpool Echo Arena, NEC, O2 Arena London and the MEN in Manchester.

JK: How do you rate your chances?

Paul: I won't set impossible hopes but I reckon Zak in the top 3 and Brett top 20's in MX3 and Pro Nationals.
JK: Sponsors?
Paul: Besides MotoZania.com too many to name off the top of my head! Go to our website http://www.racingcreationsuk.co.uk/LinksandTeamsponsors.html for all the info.
JK: So how would you summarise your services?
Paul: 1.service and maintenance work on all makes and models how ever many wheels.
2.high performance tuning and setup on all types of bikes and systems including susupension. 3.tyres.
4.clothing and accessories.
If its something you want or need I can get it or sort it, so just give me a call or email me.

Now if you fancy meeting Paul and his team and the bikes come to the Haslemere Fire Station's 'Ready To Ride' event on Sunday April 18th. Town centre, loads of free parking and Wetherspoon's The Swan do cheap food and loads of non-alcoholic drinks for a safe ride home.

I'll be there at the Extra Mile Bike Tours stand. My RSV will be with me. I expect I'll get the usual verbal abuse.

Not exactly a long-term report you understand...

2010-03-02T14:17:00.000-08:00

OK so I've only ridden it for about 70 miles. Big deal.

The most accurate long term assessments are often established in the first fleeting moments by gut feel. At least I have found that to be the case. I have friends who believe in their gut-feel more than they believe in God or science. I have friends who don't have gut feel. They have a gut but don't feel. I'm sort of suspended between cynicism and love-at-first-sight. This weakness/strength can prove good/bad with human relationships (who needs those when you have a hot bike?) and bike/owner relationships. I'll stick with bikes here. Everything in life is 50/50.

I fell in love with my R1. I also lusted after the Aprilia RSV1000. Well now I've owned and ridden both. My first impressions? Both are superb.

The RSV takes the prize for soul with a capital S. It also walzes away with the prize in the confidence-boosting handling. Styling? I'd actually give the R1 the edge. The RSV in my eyes has sexy details but overall is a tad too Busa-obese and that porky pig face is not nice. I may see what I can do about that with a front fairing and some HID lights. (I found the HID lights on my USA 05 R1 to be life-savers!) Oddly enough the RSV actually feels a wee bit lighter yet here are the crucial comparison figures:

98 YamahaR1 05 YamahaR1 03 ApriliaRSV

BHP: 150 175 130

Torque: 80ftlb 78ftlb 73ftlb

Weight: 175kg 173kg 187kg

Top Speed: 175mph 175mph 165mph

(Those figures come from a leading bike magazine. I say Bollocks. I saw an indicated 189mph on my 05 R1 in Arizona and realised it was the 186mph electronic cut-out.)

Split second, on-the-road, first impressions of the Aprilia RSV Mille: Easy clutch, smooth take-up, planted feel, easy-turning, excellent road manners on our crappy roads ( I doubt Charlie Boorman could survive our b-roads on his BMW these roads are so patched and potholed!). Fueling seems excellent and the thrust is delicious if not in R1 territory. Comfort is good (I LOVE the arse-up-head-down position for riding). Engine braking is very strong which suits me cause I am a chicken at braking hard. (Mind you, my superb rolling stoppie on the now deceased R1 saved my legs!). The rear brake is phenominally powerful but the front brakes, in spite of braided hoses (on this used bike) were quite soft. I like them 'grabby' like the Aprilia 750 Dorsoduro I tested.

The gearbox I have learned is, as of 2003, a close-ratio box. Rather.

I wouldn't like to suggest that one actually rows the bike along by gear changing but shall we say that 'it's rather lively' compared to the R1. I needed 2 gears on the Yamaha R1 to decimate the population. 3rd and 6th. The RSV keeps Alzheimers at bay. Changing gears is like looking after grandchildren. The nappies just need changing all the time! I may chat about a lower rear sprocket for better fuel economy and higher top speed (more my style..wheelies and drag racing fade to insignifacance versus petrol-stops and top speed on Autobahns).

Ergonomics: Very nice! I really love the left hand switchgear. It is far more natural and glove-friendly than the Japanese switches. After 6 years I was never able to find the bloody R1 horn in a panic. In seconds I had it on the Aprilia and the dip/main beam switch is a godsend! That switch is the most important switch at night on the tree-tunnel roads of Surrey and it falls to hand like a bottle of finest Scotch. The riding position is wonderful for me (I'm a whisker under 6') and the wind protection with the double-bubble screen and full fairing is much better than the R1.

I love the bum stop - tuck position on fast A roads and I'm convinced this baby will be a great touring bike. The clocks are very comprehensive and clear. I HATED that I had to choose between time and trip on my R1. WHY can't you tell me what time it is (for urgent meetings!) AND how far I have travelled AND how much fuel I have left! You feckin' eedjut bike builders! Of course you can give us what we NEED to know NOW. Oh no! We must pander to bike mag journalists that think all we want are lap-times! For gawd's sake even Dani Pedrosa doesn't need a lap timer! He can see Valentino's arse! That's enough!

Was I ranting? Sorry. I think I need to take over the world's bike standardisation program... OK so back to the Aprilia ergonomics. Great. I can see my speed (kmph or mph), the time, trip meter, temp, and revs at one glance...if the clock worked! I push the buttons and see the hour flashing...press the lap-timer button on the left hand switchgear (doubles as a dip/flash overtaking warning when riding) and ...Nothing. A big fat Italian nothing! I hope their lovers aren't like their electronics!

I rode my RSV around to a friendly Triumph-riding car dealer/biker in Haslemere. The first thing he said was "Wait 'til you're on a Motorway in the pissing rain mate". He didn't realise that Pete delivered it in the pissing rain with no problems and got nailed for speeding (daft bugger). But the 'urban myths' about Italian vehicles persist in England (which is why you can buy most Italian vehicles at half their value here). As if the bloody Brits can talk!!!! Did you know that England has now managed to manufacture TVs? They finally figured out how to make them leak oil...

After a sunny ride (3 hours of sunshine today at 9C/49F - that's our allotment for the year) I arrived at my mates business (KG Sprayers in Aldershot) to request a favour. Could you cut and re-weld and the powder-coat my side stand? The bloody thing holds the Aprilia so upright that if a sparrow farts the bike falls over! It's a non-stop heart-attack-waiting-to-happen. The problem is guessing how much to cut out. How can a designer get it so wrong? Doesn't anyone in these firms TRY the bugger out? Or are they all drunk? It reminded me of my amazed/stupified rant when at 21 years of age I bought a cheap old Norton Dominator. The centre stand hit the ground at such a low lean angle that 8 neighbours had to help the crane operator get it onto the stand. I was young and green but even I took 3 seconds to see that the damned thing was ridiculously calculated! How do these people get the job? (Do NOT get me started on mobile phone designers...retards!)

My mate reckons I should also powder coat the few bits that are raw aluminium (Yanks listen up - Aluminium as in Titanium and Magnesium. You do NOT say Titanum or Magnesum!!!) matt black. Hmmmm. Sounds tasty. If that happens photos will be produced!

So 2 days riding on mixed manufacturer front/rear tyres including frozen roads, fast curves, small roundabouts, dark tree-tunnels, child-collection mummy drivers, old gits in Micras, white-van hoody-boys, upright lime-green-vest bike learners, familiar corners of terror and pride, patched and pot-holed roads, orange-cone-land, dithering University professors in Rovers, self-righteous Volvo drivers and nutcase Suzuki GSXR riders and I LOVE this Aprilia!!!!

No drama, no fuss, no heart-stoppers, no 50 pence piecing (google that one Americans) and nothing but the sublime sense of speed at no speed (Cor but this baby is perfect to dawdle and stare at thatched roof pubs!) yet no speed at speed. Perfection? I may have found it... but then I haven't ridden the RSV4... YET!!!

Liquid Sex

2010-03-01T15:21:00.000-08:00

Do NOT go to www.extramilebiketours.com. The 'boss' recorded a video (So the guys not an actor... Sorry Carl) and whilst letting interested bikers know what and whom they can expect on their tours he called me Peter Pan!!!! The mickey-taking I've suffered from my mates is excruciating! Especially that Norton/Rover owning duffer from Spain! Aaaahhhh who cares...he rides like a copper! He should be thrown out as a member of MotoZania anyway.
My reply was..."With a girlfriend like Tinkerbelle you can laugh all you want".
Right, down to serious business which is the grand announcement that His Majesty King James is back on 2 wheels! Rover drivers quake in terror! The embarrassment of being in a box (old rotten Golf) is over. Just as it failed the yearly MOT (roadworthiness test - more stressful than a divorce) I found my secret heart-throb. For almost 10 years I have been a closet Aprilia lover (with a name like R1MadBrit how COULD I leave the Yamaha camp?). The problem lies in the engine configuration. At the risk of being castrated with bricks by half the American population on Harleys...I actually do NOT like the sound/vibes/pulses of that 45degree V-Twin. It sounds CRUDE. (Which may well match many owners lifestyle?). I like the Ducati 90degree V-Twin (don't you hate it when smart-arses call it an L-Twin just to be 'exact'?) as you listen to the cancellation of secondary vibration. But the first time an Aprilia RSV Mille, with its 60 degree V-twin (good - no smartypants correctors here) thundered past my little English house and shook the foundations it had a bass resonance that blew all the big-speaker bling boys away. I was smitten. So I would market my software company (DesignR1 software) using every trick in the book and the appeal of Yamaha's admittedly gorgeous R1 to pull publicity. But there was always that sideways glance at Aprilia. I hate them. They corrupted me from my 'happy' marriage.
It goes like this. I decided to get rid of the faithful, but temporary, 1989 Honda CBR600F. Red, white, blue with Micron end can and utterly faultless if a tad dull. I went to the AllyPally (MCN bike show at Alexandra Palace London) with the above mentioned Welsh/Spanish pervert. We called ourselves Bitter and Twisted. (Some MAD idea I had that generated fun with bored sales staff). I actually tried to buy a 1999 RSV Mille from a guy. In fairness he may have pegged me as a wuss or granny-rider but since I was hard-man fit at that time (well OK for that week) he asked me "What do you want to use it for?". I replied "Riding to London for Media meetings". "Go buy a Jap four" he said.
Crushed. I cursed BIKE and SuperBike and MCN. My love was a hormone basket-case!

Later that year... NEVER GO TO BIKE DEALER WITH YOUR 16 YEAR OLD SON!
I ended up with a red and white 1998 YamahaR1. Six years later and with a 2005 R1 over in the USA (a better bike to be honest) I am a religious convert. The main attraction was that 5 valve engine (Magnificent!) and the styling that even blew Ducati to the weeds in the early naughties. But I Felt inadequate. Every corner was a chore. Every mini-roundabout a heart-in-the-throat self-esteem loser. Every 90 degree corner a 50pence piece. Comments from experienced riders did NOT help. "Oh you have an R1? That'll spit you off at every corner" said a racer at the motorcycle show. THANKS PAL! Boost my confidence why don't you!

To be honest the engine tractability FAR outweighed the unflattering handling. Maybe I was just too slow? (Mind you, 167mph coming back from my sister's in Wimbledon doesn't sound TOO shabby). Of course my upbringing played a role. "Its a poor workman that blames his tools" rang in my ears in the imperious tones of my mother. I wish Max Biaggi had had my mother as a tutor!
Well as any of you faithful readers know, a ROVER destroyed my now beloved R1 on August 9th 2009. You can see her arse above the bonnet in my blog. (P.S. The local Police called to say they LOVED my blog and wished ALL accident victims had my 'wicked' sense of humour! Notch one up to Peter Pan!)
Due to a lack of funds, and the neglect of the retarded people running HSBC's insurance division, I was skint with a capital S. I would not allow myself to look at bike classified ads. Whilst looking at period china plates for my Victorian renovated house (all of one flippin' quid!) I accidentally stumbled upon a 2003 Aprilia RSV1000. (Honest - God made me do it!)
I bid. No chance! Five, tense days later it was mine!!!!!
2.3 nano-seconds later I called the owner to ask sensible questions like "Has it any MOT and road tax/been stolen/raced/crashed/owners/tyres). Come on mate! Anyone who puts 10 DETAILED photos on eBay has nowt to hide I reckon. Peter Cameron was a gent. A nutter - but a gent. He put a new MOT on it (his confidence it would pass was the BIGGEST satisfaction I have ever had after ...no let's not go there), taxed it and rode it through the POURING rain to deliver it to my door 80 miles away! I ran him home in the Golf and boy did we swop stories!
I will blog about Peter later. Amazing he's alive! But he is MORE than alive...believe me.

That was Sunday. I wrapped the RSV in a tarp and tried to sleep. 2-3 hours tops. On to the web/phone for insurance quotes. My old insurer (Bennets were never beat on my R1) were a disaster as the IT duffer had let the system crash according to the tele-sales boy. I shopped and got a great deal from the grinning big-head (see my last blog where the mascot is with Louisa).
The sun actually appeared after 5 months of non-stop rain. But it was polar-cold. By noon it was warm so I washed the Aprilia and realised I had a MotoZania sponsor interview with Paul Coltman of Racing Creations. I dressed warmly and took my first tentative ride on this Vtwin beast. Not 100 yards from my door is the first corner. SWOOP. I'm in love and the sound has already stolen my soul. Well let's just see how this really goes because I am soooo impulsive I trust myself less than my business partner trusts me to rise early! I called to show it to Louisa and we agreed that this baby was liquid sex on wheels!
16 Miles later I was riding with real comfort through the bends and roundabouts. Planted, stable, light on its feet, and thundering. The real issue seemed to be getting to know exactly which gear I was in. All these flippin' do-dad electronics and no gear indicator!!! Eedjuts! I had an amazing time at the pub interviewing Paul Coltman who reckons I had made the right choice for a superb road machine. Now how can I match the machine?
We parted about 7:30pm and by 8pm the roads shone with an icy glaze and I was absolutely FROZEN. The next ars**ole professor that mentions global bloody warming will be strapped naked to my Aprilia for a ride to Farnham at 8pm. He'll be pronounced dead on arrival!
I'll write a second blog comparing the 03 Aprilia to the 98 R1. Oh yes, and some of the characters I'm meeting through biking.
Photos: This little piggy went to market... no room for a bird...oh look it hasn't fallen over! (more later)

JK and Louisa enjoy the London Bike Show

2010-02-09T08:34:00.000-08:00

Let me grab a coffee MotoZania freaks. Right. Now I can start to think about this blog which is about the MCN Carol Nash Motorcycle Show in the far east...of London. May as well be in China. What's wrong with Earl's Court for crying out loud? Excel is actally quite impressive and although getting there is a dreary pain as we all know, the moaning stops at the sight of all those bikes, boots, backpacks, beer and babes. Well, a different type of moaning starts...'Why can't I win the Lotto', 'Why is everyone ELSE rich?'...that sort of moaning.

This years show was near identical to the show I reported on at the NEC in Birmingham. The Ducati stand was as sexy as ever but top marks go to Aprilia. Why? They had the RSV4 up on their stage but also they had one to sit on. Gorgeous is the understatement of 2010 for this bike.

We watched the stunt teams in the live action arena. I was gob-smacked. Such skills are unearthly. Steve Colley did amazing stunts on his 65Kg (143lb) GasGas even hopping over his van with NO FRONT WHEEL or forks! World stunt champion Mattie Griffin (an exclusive first appearance at ExCeL) was fantastic on his little GSXR doing hands-free wheelies in a circle amongst other things. As one does... Terry Grant and the UKFMX freestylers were scary brave in my opinion and actually did an indoor back flip. One thing that amused me was how terribly British the audience was. The guy on the mic would yell and gesticulate and desperately try to get the audience to clap or shout. 99% sat in mildly amused stony silence. If this was America they would be screaming and obediently clapping on cue. I sometimes think Americans don't actually care what show they are watching, (well we know that - just look at their talk shows) simply yellinging in large numbers seems to entertain them. All one has to do is name a city or State and watch the Mexican waves and cheering bring the roof down. They are very good-natured at large events. In England some lad risks his life and limbs to perform some God-like feat and there is a gentle patter of discreet claps like they are all out on a golf course! What is so embarrasing is that the show host doesn't seem to get it. The more he demands a screaming show of appreciation the more one can hear a solid "Steady On" from the audience.

I was looking to show my friend Louisa the ugliest bike in the world...the new Honda VFR1200. I was bemoaning the direction the current designers were taking and saying I reckon the new VFR looks like a puppy-fat version of the obese Victory Vision when what do we see before us? Yes, a London double-decker bus with a saddle on it. The Victory Vision. Of course I watched the TYPES of guys that clambered onto the behemoth and sat there thinking 'Vroom Vroom, I wish I was in California instead of Clapham...' I assumed the top box contains the sauna.

Anyway, between the Suzuki Gladys and the new Edward Munch scream-faced VFR I have a horrid sensation that these designers LIKED the old Ford Sierra and want the jelly-mold, hospital-food bland styles back. The thing was not yet launched so the Honda was absent. I'm sure it will get rave reviews about purring power, touring nirvana and the usual over-inflated 'build quality' praise that Honda usually gets. Still looks like a pig. And not a cute piglet either... And since I'm ranting on about design and this fetish for faces on bikes, doesn't the new Ducati Multistrada look like Woody Woodpecker? The R1 is an alien insect. Very scary face which I approve of for scaring Rover drivers off the road. The Ducati 1198 is a shark. Super!

I found an interesting product that on face value would seem to be a British bikers dream. Heat In A Click re-usable gel pads. http://www.heatinaclick.com/. There is some little coin-like disc inside that when pressed releases 'salts' or whatever into the gel and it instantly heats to 54C (130F). Shove them in your gloves, boots, bum, whatever and for 45 minutes you get a local hot-spot. The kidney belt version seemed a good idea. Boil the bag when you get home and it returns to its re-usable form. Just don't do that at the same time the missus is cooking boil-in-the-bag rice you duffer.

So far so good. But Mr. Cynical/Sceptical/Sarcastic/Impatient here started to think about it. (Oh no I hear you saying...JK's attempting to think). Actually activating the thing and then getting it to where you want it doesn't seem so easy to me. Picture it. If its cold enough to warrant these heat pads (that'll be 10 months of the year in the UK) you will be wearing some Long-Way-Round Goretex weather-proof bike gear - right? So there I am at the petrol station, surrounded by mums in there 4x4's full of the 'little darlings' and I have cold thighs. So I take two big pads, massage the coin and then strip to my boxers (unless one goes commando when things really hot up) to insert the pads into my trousers all the while fighting my quilted bulky jacket. And how, pray tell, do I keep the pads on my thighs whilst pulling the trousers up? They will either drop to the underside or down into my boots where I already have 2 pads cooking my feet.

Obviously the idea is to PREPARE before you ride out. Ah, the simplicity of genius. But if like me you fight your way into your bike gear getting all clobbered up in the bedroom and are a melting puddle of sweat before you get to your bike, whereupon you remember your mobile, so back into the house fourteen times for items you forgot you needed, each time struggling out-of and into your backpack (which ALWAYS snag on the myriad tabs, buttons, pockets of your left arm)...by now you just want to freeze your nuts off in an icy wind to prevent self-combustion. Now that we have achieved our usual pre-ride operating temperature of Nebucadnezzar's furnace we remeber to ignite our heat pads... I can just see myself at my local Esso station stripped naked and hosing myself down with a cold jet-wash whilst stomping on the heat-pads in fiery fury. Then an hour later, shivering on the boring M25, I'd wish I had a couple of little glove pads...which I couldn't activate anyway because one may not stop on a Motorway and, as any biker knows, we HATE stopping to fuss over things and anyway whichever exit you take there will be no way to get back onto the Motorway for over 300 miles. Leave at Reading and end up in Inverness...all for the sake of some lumpy pad in my gloves that are too tight to allow for a pad in the first place! Ah the joys of British biking. Do you detect a touch of cynicism in me? I'm sure the problem is more me than these heat pads so check them out and if you figure out how to use them email me.

Back to the good stuff. Aprilia and more Aprilia. I have somehow fallen for this brand and almost all that they are doing. I won't be bobbing about on that Piaggio MP3 player, that 3 wheeled leaning weirdo that is phenominal fun to all accounts. But that's just because I don't/won't do Burgmany things nor scoots of any size. Oh yes, Aprilia also blew away the competition in the 'battle of the brollie-babes'. Not that such sexist things are acceptable you understand. Totally unacceptable. But one must suffer these outrageous indignities bravely...it was almost as disgraceful as visiting the MotoZania website. You sickos.

The Moto Guzzi concept bike was pretty flippin' wierd. Interesting. I think the lights are bit off the mark but it sure looks like a must-ride-once.

I did like the look of the new Yamaha Tenere. Apparently it is extremely capable in all situations, and I did consider it for the Extra Mile Bike Tours this summer, but I've done the single cylinder enduro across German Autobahns and I can't do that again. I'll end up in a straight jacket and it won't be Goretex. I was very struck by Yamaha's cheap-and-cheerful new Diversion. I think it looks very good and I assume its to battle the Suzuki Bandit.

We bumped into Big Ed the MCE insurance mascot who seemed rather pleased to pose with Louisa. I was also pleased to get a very good quote on insurance for an Aprilia RSV from the Carol Nash stand. The girl even said I can insure multiple bikes. I'd be happy to have ONE bike right now! I think that thw RSV will be my next bike unless you can prove I'm daft to go with that choice. KTM are just tooooo pricey for my anorexic wallet. As are the beers in London pubs. Which is where we ended our day out before catching the train home.

Finally, I must apologise to you for the pathetic photos. My camera's auto focus appears to have rebelled. Probably after I took a photo of the Victory...

Photos: JK tries the Yamaha Tenere, Yamaha Diversion - cheap and cheerful, Louisa finds a boyfriend at last, from the Aprilia website: Aprilia RSV4 - bow down and worship now you heathens, Mattie Griffin - or was that me struggling to ride in a mini roundabout?, Steve Colley and my abstract photo, Twin Cylinders, Guzzi concept, Hypermotard detail, shark, Woody Woodpecker I and II, R1 alien insect, Aprilia test rider, cool BSA - if there is such a thing, Ducati stand, "Does my bum look big in these pants?", London pub. Loverly.

Absolutely nothing happening...

2010-01-28T17:00:00.000-08:00

Well we have had the winter of all winters here in the UK. Lots of snow, chaos and lay-offs for two weeks or more. Sorry North Americans...two weeks is sufficient, 9 months is for Edmonton only!
We always ask why we are NEVER ready for snow. Its SOOOOO simple! No one in the UK lives more than a 10 minute walk from a pub. WE DO NOT WANT TO FIX THINGS!!!
If it snows we can all say (including snow-plough drivers) "I can't get to work, Oh dear I guess I'll just HAVE to go to the pub for warmth, sustenance and drink". (emphasis on drink)
As you can see in photo 1 my back garden is positively Minnesotan and no biking shall prevail. So I took a pic of Lower Street (Typical England - its the highest street in Haslemere) with no traffic in site and pedestrians casually sauntering in the snow( to prove they are tough guys unlike their wimpey neighbours snuggled down by the fires in the pub).
Within an hour of taking this picture some nutter on a KTM single came burping, barping and sliding down the main street looking as happy as a fat girl in a chocolate fountain. Sigh.
The car buried is a Rover. My beighbour's. All Rovers should be thus bound. Or their drivers...
The next Rover... a Landrover...had a humorous snowman on the roof so I didn't smash the vehicle to pieces on sight. If you are NOT a Rover hater do email me and have your sickness cured.
Well it may be that your intrepid (if lazy) blogger may be guiding/following (pray following) some tours around Europe this spring/summer so call me if you fancy a wine tour of the Moselle or some other Euro bike tour courtesy of Extra Mile Bike Tours(http://www.extramilebiketours.com/).
Apart from awaiting my monies from the insurance company (Oh my... they have disappeared all of a sudden!) to buy a new bike I have had to content myself with renovation jobs for me and my neighbours. I just built a folding table that rather pleased me. We have such tiny houses that all things have to be 'cute'...read tiny if you are American. Read 'perfect' if you are a yachtsman.
OK, I'm boring you as I have no bikes to report on. Except that I did ride the Honda CB1000R. Lime green is NOT good but the bike was great! Let me see...I've sold bits of my destroyed R1 and I am trying to sell my 2005 around-America R1 from my Phoenix garage. I think the recession is worse than politicians think. Oh, I'm so sorry, I said Politician and think in the same sentence...

My bigest blog ever ever ever

2009-12-04T04:41:00.000-08:00

Guess what? That big shiny thing in the sky that people in Dubai and Arizona know? Well it appeared over England this morning. I think it's batteries are going but it definitely limped across a bit of the sky. It didn't melt the frost or anything but we all stood in awe as the sky DIDN'T throw the wet stuff on us. Miracles. You don't believe in them? If this keeps up I'll be able to turn my tea into wine...

OK. The NEC bike show. I was peacefully enjoying the brollie babes posing for the cameras (OK, my camera was also in the crowd but check out the slogan on their arses in my pic...it had to be done) when I was cornered by an amiable 'mad professor' selling a new petrol additive. Two to be exact. He made me sniff at the usual Redex-type product and I instantly knew it was nail varnish remover. Cellulose? Then his new product called Magic Bullet. That was an oily, clear odor-free liqid. Anyway, after a bit of a debate (although I did work in the chemical industry I flunked chemistry in art school so of course I lost the debate) he gave me a sample to test. I can't wait until I have a bike to see if it does what it says on the tin. Global Fuel Treatments have two versions. Magic Bullet for increased power and de-coking and Burn Clean for more economy and de-coking. No harm to bike engines he says. I went for the economy addative because I'm skint, a tightwad with petrol, and shouldn't be on the roads with more power.

I'll let you know if this stuff really works. Trust my cynicism folks. If it saves me more than it costs by a noticeable margin I'll inform you all. read their bumph at http://www.globalfueltreatments.com/

Another stand I was intrigued with was Spyder Club. Mark and Lizzi Smith-Young have set up a sort of 'time-share' for bikes. I am still working out whether one needs to be well-heeled to join but you book time with the likes of brand-new Ducati 1198's and track usage with stunning black R6's. Everything is paid for so you don't need insurance/road tax/ MOT and all that aggravating stuff. I guess you just book your time on one of their beauties and ride off for an agreed length of time. Nice couple, cool idea, I'm jealous. Now once I win the lotto...

I was blown away by the Vyrus raced by Phil Read (Yes the son of Phil Read and now marketing guru for Aprilia UK). It was built by Ben Shaughnessy of Alto Performance and this bike is in my DREAM GARAGE line-up. Hub-centre steering and pure form-through-function, this baby is sex in metal! Ben was pulled in all directions with the crowds but he was still kind enough to spare me a few moments. http://www.altoracing.co.uk/Racing/index.html

Norton was there and racer Chris Walker was busy signing baseball caps for little boys so I just chatted to the lady behind the counter. Apparently all the Norton's are sold already at...get this...£16k. Why am I the only starving poor git in the world? I'm not keen on the tail-end treatment but if you're into Commandos you'll love it. I rode my mate Andy's REAL 850 Commando once. It was like sitting on a kitchen table with a jack-hammer under your arse. I'd forgotten how horrid Brit bikes were. Just kidding, I loved my old Norton 650 Dominator. And it was reliable. Hey did you hear that we Brits are now producing laptops? We finally figured out how to make them leak oil...

Let's see...what else did I note? Oh yeah, Kawasaki had the new Z1000 there. Stylish as ever but calling it a 'naked bike' is a joke. Its only as naked as a girl with a bare midriff. I mean, come on! They simply remove 10" of fairing from the middle so that road crud can be chucked on the exhaust pipes and gullible biker journalists declare it 'naked'!!! Kawasaki also had another stab at the pig-ugly face of the Versys. Apparently it's a really good all-rounder but I'd have my dark visor down when I walked into the garage with this headlamp/fairing/screen staring at me like Frankenstein married Quasimodo.

Speaking of ugly with a capital U... the new VFR1200 is hideous in my eyes. When did Honda and Victory get married? They reckon it looks like a face and that car drivers will see it better. Subliminal recognition. I reckon that car drivers will jump with fright as they subliminally see the mother-in-law...

OK. Rant over.

That big ugly warthog bike is the main feature of Visor Down magazine that I snaffled from their stand. I just missed commentator/racers Jamie Witham and Niall Mackenzie on that stand which is a pity as I rate Jamie Witham the BEST commentator on TV bar none. Good northern humour. That's what we need on TV...not enthusiastic twittering like that old F1 fart...legend or not.

KTM. After sitting on, staring at, dribbling over the RC8 and Adventure and SMT and Duke I went to the staff and told them I hated them all. How can they, with a clear conscience, produce these bikes and price them out of my reach. Oh how I wept... now when I win the lotto...

In addition to the usual production bikes there was a stand full of custom specials. I've added some snapshots of a few for your perusal.

I also had a fun time being interviewed by Superbike magazine. Now I like that magazine and especially the editor's sense of honesty and humour. So I told them that although the magazine needs improved graphics and layout and font choice (non-stop red/yellow truck-side fonts make me shudder) I would never buy a bike without reading the Superbike road test reports. And I mean that. Of course my heart would over-rule anything my head said so it would be a waste of honest reporting but that's my problem. I mean who wants to spend their life being SENSIBLE? Perish the very thought. Anyway, they actually gave me some cash and a bag of goodies for my ridiculous rants! I must go up to Croydon and say thank you.

I was very impressed with the Scorpion helmets. The new visors will not fog and can be bent inside out without breaking. I really just went to say thanks for saving my life back in August. My EXO1000 had inflatable cheek pads and a superb drop-down interior tinted visor...like a fighter-pilot's. Very useful! It was destroyed when I landed on my head. The doctor in Guildford hospital asked me why I wasn't dead. Because I landed on my head dude!

Well I hit my local pub for a curry and some superb real ale last night. One diet BLOWN like a Hillman Imp headgasket! I was sort of celebrating as I try to stop being a 'deadleg-on-the-dole' and get something happening beyond solitaire and painting the kitchen (classic red walls - trust me it looks great!). I have just begun two projects as well as the superb MotoZania website promotion. As the previous blog showed I met with Carl Coombes (how British is THAT name?) of extramilebiketours.com and a tasty blond...no she just came to chat with the two coolest blokes at the show... about their tour company and what it offers to bikers. Their website header has a lot of orange in the sunset. I also started a new business selling a natural (no caffein/sugar) energy drink designed more for long-distance/endurance riders. That product is also identified by lots of orange. Since it is a powder that you mix with water (I said WATER not vodka/gin) it can be carried by bikers with no weight penalty. All you need is a handy stream from the alps. So I set up http://www.powerpunch.co.uk/. The guy who registered the domain name emailed me and expressed his disbelief that the name was even available. My lucky day. So what I am leading to in this diatribe is the fact that I am now fairly influenced in my choice of bike to replace my beloved R1. I was determined to buy an Aprilia RSV mille. The BSB racer James Ellison said he was a mechanic and in effect hinted that 'I shouldn't go there'. Bollocks says I to myself. (1-0 Heart over Head). The other love of my life was the KTM 990 Adventure/SMT. Well with all this orange corporate identity stuff happening in my life I guess I'll just HAVE to suffer a KTM. If I win the lotto. If anyone has another bike to suggest or sell you can email me your recommendations. Hell, I'd love to sneer at your pathetic attempts to open my mind...

Birmingham Motorcycle show NEC

2009-12-03T10:47:00.000-08:00

WOW! That's it folks. Just WOW! This is a pretty big show even without Honda. That didn't break my heart. I'm just not a real Honda fan...

I don't know where to start except with last night. I met some German students at my local and got practicing mein Deutsch. Real ales and biking German's made me stay late. I only slept 4 hours as any time I know I have to be up early keeps me awake all night. Hence my hate of mornings. The only day one never needs to be up early is a Sunday...so I always wake up fresh and early on a Sunday! That's my coffee/design morning. Anyway, I got up needlessly at 6 bloody am, showered and shaved and gathered maps etc and Enterprise picked me up and dumped me in a little silver Ford Fiesta. Off I trundled the 140 miles to the NEC. Traffic jams (some duffers ran their cars into people in front...eedjuts!) roadworks and every 90 year-old fossil in a Nissan Micra made the roads unbearablely slow. I swear I was overtaken in the 50mph roadwork zone by Noah's ark. I know because an elephant pooped on my windscreen. Could have been a Range Rover but the doves on the roof were suspicious... What really hurt was swinging over to let the bikers through...

Needless to say the 12.7 minutes of sunshine was our allowance for this month and to add to the joys it pissed down all the way there. Now, for any American readers I must clarify one thing. We Brits cannot organise a booze-up in a brewery. It's why we win wars. We never expect anything but bungling chaos and confusion and it's all down to keeping a stiff upper lip and then we'll see who has the last man standing. Go to ANY American sports/exhibition venue. Big rectangular car park in front of a big stadium with a simple gigantic entrance with masses of helpful staff to collect your ticket. Inside is simplicity and spaciousness itself. Now why would we want to copy that when our British architects can create a venue of 28 separate buildings with 487 different entrances, 230 twisty, windy carparks that hold 12 cars for 45,000 people. So we do what any self-respecting anarchists do. We set up 367,000 orange cones to close off the entrances we cannot possibly afford to staff and put up no signs so we can catch all 45,000 lost, angry, frustrated customers (who took out a second mortgage to get in) on our 675,000 CTV cameras. The fun is in guessing how long they will take to eventually find their way into the right exhibition. To add to the X-Box game mentality we will run 3 different shows in 92 of the 369 halls so they all crossflow against each other. With any luck the bikers will begin beating the food-show fatties and kicking the dog-loving Pet-Show crowd who left their pit-bulls at home. Welcome to bloody Britain. We detest convenience.

The sad part is exiting the M42 Motorway at junction 6 full of excitement and thinking "in 15 minutes I'll be drooling on Ducatis, yearning for Yamahas, sexed-out by Suzukis, kick-started by Kawasakis, happy Honda stayed away" (just kidding) and 1.5 miles, 32 roundabouts and 1 hour later you find a car park with NO IDEA where on the planet you are! The bus driver (of course) tells you he doesn't go to the motorcycle show but you can walk through from Atrium II - all 437 miles of airport-like skywalk! I am convinced the bloody car parks are in Scotland...

Hey am I ranting?

Like all biker nuts all is forgiven at the sight of walls of Sidi boots, Scorpion helmets, Dainese leathers and lycra-clad legs-to-the-neck brollie babes. You see it in the faces. Carrier bags bursting with brochures to dream over by the fire as it pours down outside. I met Carl from Extra Mile Bike Tours and over a beer I listened to his explanation of their offerings. We were rudely interupted by a cheeky babe so I took a picture. There are some very useful extras thrown in to their tours(like first aid training...I have no clue...I'd snap your head off I think) and the survival course thing REALLY appealed to me. Anyway, we talked tours and how to make them memorable and special and what struck me was the way these guys accept that they are often training bikers to not necessarily need them any more! Once a biker was experienced in European travel of course he can trundle off alone if he so desires. I did pick up the hint that much of the fun was meeting new people though so I assume many come back for new routes and new friends. After that discussion I wandered off and snapped photos. Now at this point I will break off with a few pics and do a new blog about the show. My highlight? Stumbling across BSB stars James Ellison and Leon Camier after the close of the show and buying the GSE racing/Airways Yamaha book signed by both the boys. Pity I missed Charlie Boorman, James Witham and Niall Mackenzie.

Photos: James Ellison BSB R1 wizard, Carl from EXtra MILe bike tours and a non-smoker Swan girl! Brollie Babes amidst the swirl, Ducati 1200 Woodpecker, BMW S1000RR with two kids on board.

MotoZania Meet, bad weather, NEC, Tuono memories.

2009-11-25T06:07:00.000-08:00

OK, first off, the MotoZania Meet will be at 5pm this Sunday November 29th at The Swan, Haslemere, Surrey. With the horrid weather we've been having I hope some will come. Flaming Henry but it's been abysmal. Dark, wet, violent winds and every flippin' day for weeks on end!

This Saturday I'm off to Birmingham to the NEC to see the latest bikes, meet with a motorcycle tour operator and also with Superbike at some posh hotel. They appear to want my opinions. Ha! Fools! I'll only rant and rail against speed cameras and the insane 'safety' paranoia of our nanny state...

No I won't. I'll answer their questions about my favourite bikes and the REAL question they always want...'when is my insurance up for renewal'...I wonder why? I'll take the camera. Pictures up soon.

Sarcasm aside, I'm still mending but not fast enough or well enough. I see the bikers go by and eat my heart out with envy. Oh well, good for them.
Got me thinking about the Aprilia Tuono I test rode. WOW! It was riding a hurricane that had bred with a tornado and picked up a comfy saddle as it blew through the countryside. The thunderous V-Twin was immensely powerful and the throttle action was instant and explosive. The brakes were beyond awesome. I'm used to smooth fours that, although powerful and fast, don't FEEL as fast or exciting. By the time I was riding the Tuono the lads in the group were 'on to it' and one skillful chap was wheelying past me at some ungodly speed. I just focused on keeping up but the overriding sensation was thunderous, instant, controllable power. I want one NOW! In fact, it impressed me so much that I have put the Aprilia RSV at the top of my 'next bike' list. Why the RSV and not the Tuono? I'm not into naked bikes because I find wind blast the most tiring of all the forces one faces when riding long distances.
May I quote from the Aprilia website? http://www.aprilia.com/
· New V 60 Magnesium Evolution engine
· Dynamic air intake (the only naked with ram air technology)
· Electronic fuel injection system with 57 mm throttle bodies
· 16 bit engine management unit
· Exhaust system with twin silencers and three way catalytic converter with Lambda probe oxygen sensor
· Aluminium alloy perimeter frame
· Double banana aluminium swingarm
· Lighter steering yoke
Once again Aprilia has succeeded in producing an exclusive, refined and unique naked. The latest Tuono 1000 R remains the most sought after of all naked twins, and the perfect synthesis of exclusive components, quality, technology and finish.
Like the RSV, the Tuono has been perfected on the track to satisfy the most demanding and refined motorcyclists. Each individual part has been developed to maximise the performance and riding pleasure of a naked that is already a legend in racing circles.
Engine performance is better than ever. Maximum power is 102 kW (139 HP) at the crank and maximum torque 10.9 kgm at only 8,500 rpm. The Aprilia Tuono 1000 R is therefore among the most powerful of all nakeds.

Bashed-up, bored, bitter and brain-dead.

2009-11-12T11:28:00.000-08:00

Well, the weather is abysmal, the evenings dark, the motorcycle racing finished and I'm still not healed or healthy hence my total neglect of this blog...

Self-destruction seems imminent.

If it wasn't for the 2000 biking magazines I have to catch up on I'd jump off Beachy Head now. I've decided to hire a little car (God forbid) and drive to the NEC near Birmingham (the ORIGINAL - not that faked copy in Alabama) to see the motorcycle show. I am meeting a few business people and checking out the tasty new stuff for 2010 that it seems no one can afford to buy.

I have had no luck selling my trusty steed in Arizona (2005 R1) and I hear from American friends that they will pay you to take a new bike. I signed up with 1000 dealers so now I have 32,000 bikes and I'm stinking rich. Not!

If I heal enough over the next few months I'll start looking at KTM990's or Aprilia RSV's. Yum yum.

I'll post some photos on MotoZania.com from the NEC show.

This month's MotoZania Meet in Haslemere at The Swan will be on Sunday 22nd so do join us. Pity our meet is prior to the NEC show but there is another show in February in London. More bike pics for that show too.

In the meantime...here are a few shots from the Haslemere Fire Station event called Right It Right. Hogsback Brewery Bike was loved by all. Although choppers are here in the UK we do our best to discourage such behaviour. Hand painted tanks and helmets were AMAZING! Desmo Dave came again on his awesome Desmosedici. The SOUND! Like Niagara Falls in your living room! And last but not least the new BMW 100RR. Better in the flesh than in photos. I sat on it. Big deal...I can hear you! Don't worry, you'll hear about it when I test ride this sucker!

MotoZania Meet at The Swan Haslemere Sun Oct 25

2009-10-24T10:05:00.000-07:00

Well I'm sick of being sick. My hand is still a throbbing mess and I've had flu and a cold for weeks. I'll eventually get back to writing more blogs about bikes and events. In the meantime...
MotoZania Meet:
Sunday October 25th, 5pm (ish) at The Swan, Haslemere High Street. Meet and chat bikes or even rubbish. I've got an idea I'd like help with and incoming technology is always a good subject in my books.
Hope to see you there.

MotoZania Motorcycle Meet at The Swan in Haslemere Sunday 20th Sept.

2009-09-15T05:15:00.001-07:00

This blog is to announce that I will hold the first MotoZania Motorcycle Meet at The Swan in Haslemere High Street this Sunday from about 5pm following the Haslemere Fire Station's motorcycle safety event called Ride It Right. Up to 800 bikers are expected at that event which is just 1 minute from The Swan, a J.D. Wetherspoon pub.
WHAT? A PUB encouraging safe riding??? You bet!
J.D.Wetherspoon's pub The Swan (http://www.jdwetherspoon.co.uk/pubs/pub-details.php?PubNumber=691) offer a great range of alcohol-free beer and cider, soft drinks, fruit drinks, tea and the best coffee in town (in my crabby opinion). Allied to the best value-for-money food on the planet you can fill up your tank to ride long and hard. No need to sweat the blue lights behind you either (unless you're riding like you probably usually do!).
Now get this. Come hungry lads! Ben, the manager, has offered MotoZania Meet bikers who order an ALCOHOL-FREE drink 20% off the food. You'll need a bloody Harley to haul you away mate! I'll be at the Ride It Right event handing out the vouchers. If you can't join us at 5pm you can still order the food at The Swan with your free voucher.
On the agenda for debate is what bike I should buy to replace my smashed R1. Passionate opinions welcome.
The Swan will become a regular MotoZania Motorcycle Meet once a month. Free parking on Sundays and a HUGE car park right in the town centre beind Waitrose. Spread the word. Oh, and go join Motozania.com or I'll have to slap you about. (Enter stage left a 6'3" Hells Angel)

Mana from heaven

2009-08-21T04:56:00.000-07:00

At last, the plaster is off my right arm and, although my now lumpy right hand hurts like hell, I can tap away enough to play catch up on my MotoZania.com blogs and my first task is to comment on my June test ride on the Aprilia 850 Mana automatic. Yes you heard right - automatic.
Not as in squirt and go rubber band thingies but proper F1 Ferrari-style electronic split nano-second gear change through a proper box. AMAZING!
I fancied trying this bike after Bike magazine reported it was a good 'city' bike. I was advised to be sure and try all 3 change methods to see just how good it was. I started off following the mad boys at a fair old clip using my left foot as normal, minus the clutch. I gigantic gear counter told me in billboard size numbers which gear I was in. I swear I could read that number without looking down! It changed instantly without a glitch. The usual green-lights-all-the-way sod's law took effect so it was a while before I could try out the 'paddle' change. Press the rather obscure button under the usual horn position with your left thumb and hey presto the next gear up. A tad awkwardly, tap the paddle/switch back with your forefinger and you drop a cog. Easy as pie. Finally we got a red light and I thumbed through the menu to full automatic. Now the boys were warmed up and really setting a pace so I was glad to focus on just keeping up throttle and avoiding their arses with the superb brakes. I LOVED this bike. All I had to do was twist and brake and swallow hard at the corners as I chased the lads. After a few lairy moments I began to revel in the fact that I could just focus on leaning hard and watching out for the 20mph Nissan Micra drivers - the 'white-knuckle brigade'. The more I rode hard (for me) the more amazed I was at the way the Mana 850 always seemed to be in exactly the right gear for the conditions. Of course an experienced track day hero would likely scoff, but for me it was the surprise bike of my life. I rode the naked version and I am not a lover of naked bikes (I HATE wind blast).
The styling doesn't do a lot for me but the practicality with storage is excellent. I could tour Italy on the faired version of this baby. Whatever you do, before you buy any new bike, grab yourself a test ride on this bike if only for the giggle.
Oh no, I sound like a dodgy sales git don't I? I cannot understand why they don't put this 850 engine in the Dorsoduro though.
The Aprilia website lists the features as follows:

• 90° V twin engine with four valves per cylinder, Euro 3 homologated

• sportgear transmission: electronically controlled sequential gearshift offering two shift modes seven speed manual or Autodrive with three mappings: Touring, Sport, and Rain

• storage compartment with non-scratch lining, large enough for a full-face helmet, with mobile phone holder, toolkit & document holder, and 12V power socket

• under-seat fuel tank

• brakes with radial calipers

• 43 mm upside down fork

• offset monoshock with spring preload and rebound adjustments

• steel trellis frame with single piece aluminium swingarm

• twin spark ignition

• electronic fuel injection with single throttle body

• latest generation two channel ABS system (ABS version only)

Fingers are handy little things

2009-08-10T21:38:00.000-07:00

Excuse the awful pun in the subject line. It's day 2 and I am insane with pain. I sleep an hour or two and most of that is slow rolls in agony to find a painless position. Futile. Yesterday I managed a nice shower and shave with a Waitrose carrier bag over the plaster. Then I slid into some nice freshly shrunken blue jeans. One does of course need fingers that work to do up such insignificant items as buttons and zips. So that is why I was on my neighbours doorstep at 9am hoping she was home and wouldn't take it all wrongly. She was out so with a last gasp of pain I got that damned Levi button through the hole. It took a total of 40 minutes and 5 aspirin.

Now it's 5:30 am and I am off my flippin' rocker with pain. The Achilles tendon is the worst but the busted arm is playing a close second fiddle.

Being one handed is awful but when that hand is the 'wrong' hand it gets ridiculous. Brushing ones teeth takes on a whole new perspective in the art of painful frustration. Toothpaste in the eye, brush up yer nose, gums bashed by plastic. I managed to clean one tooth and said 'sod it'.

As soon as I can stand to be still for 2 minutes I'll start to tell you about the fabulous, remarkable Aprilia 850 Mana. Bear with me.

I’m out of hospital now...

2009-08-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

I went the way of all bikers...over the bonnet!

I always said it would be a Rover that took me out. Right? I’ve said for years “It’ll be Rover and he will cut across my path and boom”. Forget Volvos, they all migrated to Rovers.
Well in the odd way that accidents happen and seconds change everything this one was no exception. He didn’t remove me from the planet but worse he destroyed a beautiful red and white 1998 original Yamaha YZF R1. My baby! Now had he been 1 second quicker I’d be doing wheelies and burn-outs in Hell. (They tell me burn-outs are much, much easier in Hell). Or had I NOT been sensible (my being sensible was a rare occurrence because being sensible just does not suit me) but had I chosen to make my usual ‘brisk progress’ I would have been well past him when he pulled out. And like all accidents, I was 5 minutes from home. He was 3 seconds from home.
I was cruising about 50-55 in a 60 zone with very little traffic in the leafy green ‘A’ road that leads me home. Bright and sunny about 7pm. Lights on, VERY visible in full leathers of black and white and red on a red and white bike. I saw the blue Rover MG with the big spoiler on the back to my right waiting to dash across this main road, into my path, and on into a small side road. I eased off the throttle instantly to see what he would do. Yup. He roared into my path and I managed a perfectly straight controlled stoppie. Right into his nearside wing.
I was catapulted across his bonnet and as I somersaulted through the air I was actually thinking “wee what a great flip!”. No word of a lie. It felt like a fairground ride. Until the unforgiving black stuff about 2 metres beyond his bonnet took a chunk out of my helmet and shoulder. I managed a ‘parachute roll’ and minimized the damage. I tried to sit up but was a tad woozy. Then as I did sit up a friendly blond arrived at my side and said she was a doctor. I thought she was an angel and I was at the pearly gates but I knew THAT was never going to be. So I took my gloves off and helmet and then remembered my camera in my super Axio backpack. I took it out as the driver got out and asked how I was. “Never better, sorry to crash in on you old chap” I said. He asked if he should call an ambulance (Yes please) and as I sat stunned I saw my baby with her arse in the air on the other side of the car. I started taking photos.
I got up and took more shots but by now the punches to my thighs and belly from smashing the screen were really hurting. The driver’s wife appeared and looked worse than me poor girl. It was her car. She said she would kill her husband but we managed to laugh together. He apologised profusely and said those immortal words that all car drivers do “I never saw you mate!”

By now the crowds had asked some bikers to help get the bike to the grass verge and then the ambulance arrived. Now the pain was to begin because in the interests of my ‘safety’ they trussed me up like a chicken in a neck brace and a damned head-crushing device designed by the Catholic Inquisition. That bloody head restraint is so badly designed that it has hard plastic edges that cut into your skull. I told the doctor I would find the designer and inflict serious pain on him. I was rolled into a red inflatable bag and whisked off to Guildford Hospital A&E.
Now the usual Kingstone luck began. It was one of the busiest nights and I would be there over 5 hours. X-rays were arranged as I began to slowly swell in all sorts of places and pain began to grow. Then the bobbies arrived. Nice lads really but they wanted a statement and gave me the usual warning that anything I said would be written down, retyped into lies and used to imprison me for being a biker. And a sports biker at that! I told him the story very slowly so he could write it out word for word and then signed it. With a broken right wrist. The same broken wrist I used to snap photos. Good thing my single brain cell didn’t kick in. Off they went to deal with some yob caught shoplifting for his drug habit. I offered to kill him but they reckoned he’s manage that well enough by himself.
A very nice doctor gave me a thorough examination for almost an hour it seemed and declared me remarkably fit and tough for my age. I told him I dove over the car to come to Hospital for just that compliment. We had a few laughs and established the damage. Broken right wrist, fracture to the right foot, Achilles tendon damage (MY GOODNESS WE ARE TALKING PAIN WITH THAT ONE), and a bashed forefinger on the left hand. Great! The very finger necessary to raise a cuppa tea! I guess I’ll have to go over to drinking beer. Muscles in my thighs are badly punched about so lifting a leg is agony. But the real damage is that my R1 is well smashed. I’m lonely already.
So I finally hobble out the Hospital door in plaster to a midnight taxi home that bankrupts me. The kindly driver took 5 minutes to get me the 2 metres into my living room. I called my friend Louisa at 1am to come play nurse. She told me to go to bed. So I phoned a buddy in Minneapolis who would sympathise enough to stop the adrenalin rush I was on so I could sleep. At 3am Louisa brought some food and water and got the aspirin for me. So here I sit, broken hearted, my R1 and I forever parted.
Lessons learned?
1. Had I been speeding I would not have had the accident so I need a faster bike. Right? Makes perfect sense to me.
2. If you see a Rover (read Buick/Oldsmobile in the States) go in any direction - but get away!
3. Never, ever, ever ride without all the protective clobber. Not even to ‘pop down to the shops’.
4. Try to avoid ambulances. They’ll really give you a pain in the neck.

I had a fantasic day at Brands Hatch where Leon Camier slaughtered everyone on the gorgeous sounding R1. He won all 3 races this weekend. More about my weekend at Brands Hatch for the British Superbike races in the next blog. I’m slow at typing as it is but with no moveable fingers on my right hand it’s a chore!
Ride safe everyone. Trust no one.

Aprilia - Soggy Surrey test ride

2009-07-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

Whilst I was in America Aprilia Emailed me.
Well, maybe not just me. I suppose a lot of bikers got that email. I was invited to try out several Aprilia bikes at their Box Hill, Surrey test day. I signed up, flew back from Phoenix turnip-truck class with a long stop in Houston to guarantee maximum jet-lag. Young dorks with face-masks terrified of swine flu sat in the food area at germ ridden plastic tables. This is an airport that announces that cracking jokes can get you arrested! Eedjuts!
I was to ride to Box Hill 3 days later and I knew I would be shaky with fatigue. That Saturday the weather was iffy not spiffy. Not many were at the damp(ish) event when I arrived for my 1pm test ride. The reception was casual, cordial, and confidence inspiring. I met the regional Manager for Aprilia who enthusiastically assured me that I would be surprised and delighted with their bikes.
Heck, I was sold on Aprilia a long time ago as riders on the 60 degree V-twin RSV Mille thundered past my house causing structural damage with the most exquisite sounding twin I know. Now the old pig-face RSV was not a beauty but the current crop of bikes are drop-dead gorgeous in my view with the RSV4 being just stunning (It was ‘on show only’ although the obliging and enthusiastic boys did start it up for our aural pleasure). Most of the visitors stared at it, bowed and muttered “We are not worthy”.
My 1pm ride was on the Dorsoduro and I was very keen to see how at home I felt on that 750 supermoto.
There were only a few of us going out onto the narrow, twisting A and B roads of Surrey. I was used to the sedate pace set by the test-ride leaders in Arizona. Well that expectation was blown within 30 seconds! As the highly experienced riders set a pace I was surprised at I began to see what this bike could do. There was one snag. I wanted to ‘fiddle’ with the electronic settings but changing the settings on-the-go was less than ideal. I’ll quote the Aprilia web page http://uk.aprilia.com/modelli/road/modello_txt.asp?id=154: Three performance modes, Sport, Touring and Rain, can be selected on the move from a switch on the handlebars (with the throttle closed for safety reasons). The Dorsoduro changes its character radically, depending on what mode you select. Sport mode gives you aggressive instant power; Touring mode gives you a smoother action, better suited to relaxed long distance riding; and Rain mode gives you ultimate safety slippery surfaces.
Note that one has to have a closed throttle and press the starter motor button as a menu selector. DUH! It was like my computer mouse. It would decide whether or not it was in the mood to make the changes I wanted. So within a few minutes I was praying for a good long red light. Have you ever noticed that when you WANT a red light (say to check a map) they are locked on green all the way to Scotland? I was used to Arizona where the lights are painted red and you wait months for a crew of Mexicans in a pick-up with a ladder to come and paint them green. I see skeletons in SUVs at the lights over there...
So here I was, fiddling with little clue as to what I was selecting because, although you can change on the go, trying to do so on a closed throttle is rather tricky. I don’t spend a lot of time in forward motion on a closed throttle! It was all fun-and-games as I attempted to keep up with Rocket man, trying to stay alive as we swooped like fighter jets on wimpy Rover dawdlers, and still trying to gain an impression of the overall handling and power at my disposal. My mind wandered to my debit card and the threat of financial self-destruction if I dropped this toy or embedded myself in the back of some old monument’s Micra. I realised I was getting tense as my annoyance rose with every green light. In the end I gave up and just laughed at the way Sod’s Law rules everything in the universe.
My overall impressions of the bike? Brill.
I used to love my old KLR650 in Munich as a great ‘see over the duffers’ tall tool so riding high on the thoroughly modern Aprilia Dorsoduro I was immediately in my ‘comfort zone’. The handling was easy and smooth and the low-speed abilities were great after my old R1. The brakes were amazing and a gentle hand was needed. I managed a small stoppie at the first roundabout as we left and quickly learned to caress the lever not yank it. I loved the Dorsoduro’s super-sharp brakes. I noticed that the slight buzz in the footpegs was lowest on Touring mode, significantly more in Sport mode and noticeable in Rain mode. These settings really do alter the characteristic and as it was drizzling on and off on parts of the ride I got to try Rain mode in a real situation. I eventually settled on Touring as my favourite although the Sport mode was great when I fell behind due to ‘nervous Nellies’ poodling along and faffing about in their OAP cars. We had a good long ride. In my humble opinion the bike is a very stylish winner and felt like quality workmanship. I especially liked the shark gills on the tail pipes that are so visible when following the Dorsoduro. The downside? I noticed the lower power of the 750 compared to my R1. Big deal.
Would I recommend it? Yup. But I need a much longer ride to really evaluate this baby. Anyway, you can go to www.apriliadorsoduro.com and book a test ride at a dealer near you to see for yourself. And maybe ride at your own pace too.
Would I buy one? Hmmmm. That KTM 990 is still so strong in my heart.
Good: Styling. Quality. Engine is very nice. Varying modes are pretty useful. Dash is readable. Plug and play I say.
Bad: I’d prefer the 850 engine in it.
Ugly: Changing mode on the move is not really that easy. Overall: Very nice. I really liked it and I thought it was easy to ride right out of the box.
Want to Try Before I Buy: Ducati Hypermotard, Triumph Street Triple, Benelli Tre K1130,
Tech Specs:
Aprilia V90 four stroke longitudinal 90° V twin. Liquid cooling. Double overhead camshaft with mixed gear/chain drive; four valves per cylinder. Ride-by-Wire System
Bore x stroke 92 x 56.4 mm.
Total displacement 749.9 cc.
Compression ratio 11 : 1.
Maximum power at the crank 67.3 kW (92 HP) at 8750 rpm.
Maximum torque at the crank 8.4 kgm (82 Nm) at 4500 rpm.
Electronic fuel injection with ride-by-wire electronic throttle control.
Ignition Digital electronic, integrated in the fuel injection system.
Exhaust Two in one system in 100% stainless steel
Wet sump.
Six speed.
Hydraulically operated multi-plate wet clutch.
Final drive Chain.
Frame Modular steel trellis secured to aluminium side plates by high strength bolts. Detachable rear frame.
Front suspension: 43 mm upside-down fork. 160 mm wheel travel.
Rear suspension: Aluminium alloy swingarm. Hydraulic shock absorber adjustable in spring preload and rebound damping. 160 mm wheel travel.
Front Brakes: Double stainless steel wave floating wave disc 320 mm. Four-piston radial calipers. Metal braided brake line.
Rear Brakes: Stainless steel disc 240 mm with single piston caliper. Metal braided brake line.
2-channel Continental ABS system (ABS version)
Aluminium alloy wheels. Front: 3.50 x 17". Rear: 6.00 x 17".
Front: 120/70 ZR 17. Rear: 180/55 ZR 17.
Seat height: 870 mm
Wheelbase: 1,505 mm
Trail: 108 mm
Rake angle: 26°
Tank capacity 12 litres (approx.125 miles)

Weekly? Did I say weekly? More like weakly!

2009-07-20T13:18:00.000-07:00

Well I'm back on the planet at last. If I get into my interior design and decorating and building I am GONE!
Holidays over I'm back with a bang as I plan for the September 20th Haslemere Fire Station Ride It Right biker show. I'm also organising a MotoZania biker's meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month from August 2009 at our local J.D. Wetherspoons pub, The Swan in Haslemere High Street. TONS of parking, alcohol-free drinks and cheap food. Ride some very scenic roads to get there. The Swan will also attend the biking safety meet at the Fire Station selling alcohol-free beers and ciders and soft drinks to the hundreds of hungry bikers that devour the free burgers. Discounts will be available on meals purchased with alcohol-free drinks. Stay sober - ride like Rossi. But not on our flippin' roads!
That's my rant this week. The state of our B roads. Forget Ewan and Boorman on their BMWs. I doubt they could ride these Surrey roads without spinal compaction, fillings down the throat and wheels that look like wavy brake discs after an hour. Come on Waverly Borough Council... ever heard of a thing called Tarmac? And putting the odd bit down like rough Spanish plastering is NOT decorative you Wallys!
Ding! Rant over. (Especially when I recall Washington DC roads. OMG! These guys are going to rule the world and they can't even pave their own front drive? George Washington Bridge in NY is second in the terrifying roads awards). The photos are a taster of the roads I test the bikes on. Narrow, twisty, often very rough, full of old duffers with dentures in the wind as they strive to hold onto the steering wheel never mind see over the dash with their bifocals perched on the end of their noses. Signal right - turn left... cotton-head Rover drivers every time mate!
I'm finally managing to get my impressions onto the laptop of the three Aprilias I rode a few weeks ago. Read the first one tomorrow. Dorsoduro 750...

Welcome to my MotoZania blog

2009-06-18T16:08:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my weekly MotoZania.com column. Or is that now a blog? Oh and it may not be exactly weekly.
I’m James Kingstone known on MotoZania.com as R1madBrit. I am responsible for getting MotoZania.com to number 1 in UK and Europe. (Wir koennen auch Deutsch redden wann du wilst).
This weekly column will be my take on all things motorcycling.
Ride with me on my rants, road-tests, learning, training, venting, sarcasm, enthusing, comparing, explaining and hopefully receiving/giving plenty of banter and teasing. I will introduce interesting bikes, people, places, and technical stuff from a layman’s point of view. OK, OK – idiot’s point of view! There may be a fair bit of USA/UK/Euro comparison going on if that’s alright with you. Oh, and my benchmark bike is the Yamaha R1. I have a ’98 here in England and a 2005 in Arizona (now sadly for sale). A list of bikes I’ve owned goes as follows, I won’t list the 110 cars...
Triumph Tiger Cub – 200cc – England 1968. Black/Silver Cafe Racer with clip-ons. I loved it.
Honda S90 – 90cc – Black/Silver. It never let me down from London to Oxted.
Yamaha AT90(?) – 90cc – Yellow/Chrome. My first wheelie. Too lightweight. Triumph Tiger Cub – 200cc – Blue/Silver. Murder to kickstart. I fitted ‘scrambler’ bars.
BSA Twin - 500cc – White/Red – Darley Moor club racer. Alloy oil tank and clip-ons. Handled well.
Triumph T100 – 500cc – Blue/Silver. Fast at the time. I sold it for £125. I could cry...
Norton Dominator – 600cc – Black/Silver. Reliable. Good brakes. Only Lucas killed it.
Kawasaki GPZ600 – 600cc – Red/Silver. Very fast on the Munich Autobahns in 1990.
Kawasaki KLR650 – 650cc – Blue/White. Brilliant in Munich city traffic, Slow up the alps!
Ducati 750ss – 750cc – Black. Terrible steering lock. Dropped a valve. Love/Hate as always.
Honda CBR600 – 600cc – red/White/Blue. Back in England. Sensible, fast, comfortable.
Yamaha FS1E – 50cc – Red (resprayed). My son and I had fun in the car park on this.
Yamaha YZFR1 – 1000cc –Red/White. 1998. Still riding it. Smooth. A classic.
Yamaha YZFR1 – 1000cc –Red/Black. 2005. My Arizona bike. This is my second home. No expenses claimed to the UK Government...yet!
To begin with I need to set your expectations.

I am NOT an ex-racer.
I am NOT an engineer.
I am NOT a motorcycle business guru.
I do NOT really understand rebound damping settings, sag, offset and trail etc etc.
I am NOT certain about why a bike handles well or ‘badly’.
I am NOT good at wheelies or stoppies.
I am NOT a duffer whatever Andy says.

I am a biker of middling capabilities who gets nervous in corners and has good days and bad days. (I fell off once near Farnham castle. Diesel fuel on a wet road. Made me twitchy in right handers for a long time...)
I have been riding since 1968. That’s 40 years man! OK so you’ve guessed I’m an old git!
I passed my motorcycle licence the second time round on cobbled Manchester roads in 1971. There were NO road markings on cobbled roads therefore you failed your test at the minor crossroads because your mates didn’t warn you. Good laugh in the pub afterwards at your expense. I soon learned and passed within a month. Goodbye L plates.
I took the Arizona motorcycle test for my USA licence over 40 years later. I came only middle of the class! I blame my 250 Ninja’s sticking clutch and brakes for my stoppies... they hit my head with the clipboard and said I was incorrigible. I have to renew it every 6 months due to massive USA-wide bureaucratic ‘safety’ regs. (sigh).
The idea was that a USA licence may prove wise for my 15,000 mile charity ride for Paul Newman’s Hole-In-The-Wall-Gang charity for kids. All it did was get me two speeding fines! I rode around the outside of the USA for 3 months and one week on my 2005 Yamaha R1. The USA is GREAT for riding. http://designr1fullcircletour.blogspot.com/
I also took the wheelie school in England. It snowed and we lost half a day. Me and another old git named Richard came top two. Needless to say he was numero uno. Go on and brag ya bastard! It didn’t help me wheelie my R1. The plastics are worth more than my life if I drop the thing showing off. I need a rat bike to practice on...

I blame that 1960’s Triumph Tiger Cub for my fascination with all things technical. My aspirations as an artist disappeared in a cloud of double overhead camshafts. I picked that Triumph up from a sleasy Brixton dealer and by the Ace Cafe on the North Circular it was snowing so heavily I had 2 feet down all the way to my Notting Hill £1.50 per-week 5th floor bedsit. We can talk TRex and Twiggy later guys!
It was the impossibility of starting that Tiger cub that made me go to the local library and begin reading about how engines and motorcycles work that began the fascination. I was robbed of that £50 cafe racer by a Scouser swine for £6. Can you believe it? I can name him to this day! ‘Trick me once – your shame, trick me twice – my shame’. That’s why I plan to ‘Learn as I go along’ and hope that you will follow my escapades. Or should that be escape-aides?
Enough of the introduction rubbish - on to my first real bike test. Photos attached.

KTM 990Adventure
I first sat on the KTM 990 Adventure at an Arizona motorcycle show. I just liked the ‘sharp-edged’ design after the awful era of ‘organic’ shapes and jelly-mould styling. Triumph's swimmer-goggle Sprint was the ugliest. Tom Seagroves of Bernies, the Mesa Arizona KTM dealer offered me a test ride. http://www.ktmmotorcyclesusa.com/. I had a whole Saturday afternoon as long as I signed the waiver not to sue them if I was an ass and crashed. WTF? In England the dealers make you leave a £10bn bail-out deposit, sacrifice your first-born and bring your great grandmother as a pillion to ensure safe speeds. (Or so I thought until I met the Aprilia nutters...next column!).
Saturday sees me suited and booted and nervous and quiet. The guys at Bernies were cool and wheeled my orange beauty out and said ‘adios’. I could barely touch the ground and I am 6’. I wobbled out onto East Southern and headed to Country Club and north to Payson AZ. Let’s make the story short. Riding all alone on strange roads in a foreign country is a tad lonely. But did I fall in love or what? And just like LOVE this baby came with PAIN! The seat is a pain in the arse. Gel filled boxer-shorts with a mattress bungee-corded on top of the seat might help. Seriously, after 20 minutes I was in agony. I ride my R1 for HOURS with no pain so it must be the upright riding position as well as that cast concrete seat.
Everything was so SMOOTH and GRUNTYon the 990. The only words I can find for the clutch/engine/gearbox interaction is ‘buttery smooth’. Once I got used to the Himalayan view from the concrete saddle I was in heaven in both ways. I had never experienced a bike that can give you so much confidence. I was rolling through corners at 95mph single handed taking photos with my left hand! ‘Eedjut’ you say but you have to experience the confidence boost to believe it.
Once up through the twisties and into the town I tanked up. The twin tanks were not a great idea and the cables blocking the key became an irritant. Get it sorted KTM. At the top end of town was an English roundabout! I rode round it 12 times it was so much fun! (Sad bastard but this is the land of 5000 mile straights).
Good: Superb controls and handling with smooth operation. Funky styling. Slim. Good wind protection. Little glove box is nice.
Bad: That flippin’ seat is concrete! Ass ache until you DIE!!! Cables interfere with key. Twin tanks. Exhausts could burn some saddlebags?.
Ugly: Spindly swingarms.
Overall: Superb. I LOVED it and WANT ONE NOW!
Want to Try Before I Buy: Moto Guzzi Stelvio, BMW R1200GS, Ducati Multistrada, Triumph 1050 Tiger,
Tech Specs: 990 Adventure
2 cylinder, 4 stroke V 75°
999 cc
72 kW / 8500 rpm
95 Nm / 6500 rpm
11.,5:1
Electric Starter
5 speed, claw shifted
Electronic fuel injection
4 Valves / DOHC
Liquid cooled
Multi-disc wet clutch, hydraulically operated
Keihin EMS
Tubular chromoly space frame, powder coated
WP-USD Ø 48 mm
WP-PDS shock absorber with hydraulic spring pre-load
approx.22 Liter
approx.199 kg