Just alive in spite of the weather here...

Try this for a wrist-slitting list.
It's Tuesday. Even the name of the day is ugly.
It's raining. Again. After months of non-stop winter rain it has started again. They predict 34 years of non-stop rain here in England. I read it on google.
I have bronchitis. I cough all night. The green goop bitter cough syrup does NOT work. How can it? It goes it's petro-chemical, poisonous route to my stomach. The cough is in my lungs you duffer doctors! This gunk is supposed to line your throat. The only thing that will stick in one's throat are Lima beans and fish bones. The antibiotics will work just before I die from lack of sleep.
Slit those wrists yet folks? This will cheer you up! I still really like my Aprilia RSV Mille.
See! The very mention of a bike and we are all happy, healthy and full of dreams to ride to far-flung places. (Who flung them there anyway?) What we Brits mean by far-flung places is anywhere the sun shines for at least 1 hour a week. So when the sun did pop out and the polar bears retreated I took my first real ride (over 2 hours each way). It seems a lot of people want me and my tools to do jobs so after promising to help an old friend I realised my old Golf was off the road and I'd have to lug some hefty tools in a backpack to Colchester way out in Essex. (I think they send space probes out there). It qualifies as far-flung not only on distance but because it apparently sees more sunshine than any other part of Britain.
So here are two photos to prove that Essex people have seen the sun and to maybe convince some of you adventurous Americans to skip Hawaii this year and call us about some fabulous British rides to historical places and pubs. (Who cares if the pub's historical?) The top photo is a popular pub near Colchester on the estuary to the English Channel and the second photo is Colchester Castle of which I know nothing. Actually, Colchester is the oldest city in the UK and was founded by the Romans so there is a lot of history in the town. There is a very old, oak half-timbered Inn where some chaps in boats shot muskets at some other chaps hiding inside (probably some Catholic versus Protestant fight) whilst rowing past. My then 13 year old son drily remarked "World's first drive-by shooting".
Haslemere to Colchester is not a very long ride but with about 60lbs of tools in a backpack I stuck to the dull but quick A3/M25/A12 route. Great coming back over Dartford. At the top of the bridge the views of the Thames are superb. Three things eventually emerged from my longish ride. Speed: I definitely ride slower on this baby. It may well prove a licence saver. The reason is because I enjoy the character of the engine so much I don't NEED to go as fast. The big thrill with the R1 was the RUSH of acceleration. The thrill of the RSV is in the sound and the handling. I'm all too content to burble along. I'm sure the Autobahns will alter that. Fuel Economy: I can't reach the R1's 45mpg but I can manage about 41mpg on the Aprilia. Whilst at the NEC bike show I reported that I had been given a fuel additive to test. Well I have not forgotten and after a few more tankfuls and some long runs I will see if that product helps. Watch this space.
Comfort: The R1 just has the edge on comfort as respects hand/pegs/bum angles so I will be looking at altering the gear-change and rear brake levers to see what I can do to suit my frame. The clutch/front-brake levers are fully adjustable. The mirrors are also to be commended as absolutely clear and sharp with no fuzz of vibration. If my cold-weather gear wasn't so wide on the arms as the wind flattens it I would have very good rear vision. Just tuck in the arm a bit and spot the copper! Wrist-ach was no problem. Oh, by the way, it seems the bike likes me as the constant resetting to Kilomtres has stopped.
My latest plan is to ride to Prague to Czech it out (couldn't resist that one) via Berlin where my daughter now resides. Then on down to Munich to see friends and home via the Black Forest (Schwartzwald) if I have the time/cash/stamina. For that ride I want my twin-lens video fitted so I'll be seeing Paul Coltman of Racing Creations about servicing and adjustments and fitting out the video camera.
See how bike riding plans can fight off rain/bronchitis-induced depression? That and a copy of Bike Magazine with a nice hot cuppa...

Interview with Racing creations UK

I met with Paul Coltman in a pub in Farnborough. It was my first time out on my new Aprilia RSV Mille and his first words were "Brilliant choice for a road bike" so that cheered me up!

Paul is just 28 years old (so I hate him) yet so experienced I wondered where I had gone wrong with my life! He teaches motor vehicles at Farnbourough Tech, runs a MotoX team, a motorcycle repair and design business, supports the Naomi House Hospice (http://www.naomihousehospice.co.uk/) and still has time to meet with the likes of me. Needless to say, there were a few sponsor phone calls during our meeting.

Paul has been riding since 6 years of age (Suzuki RM50) and is fully trained on Yamaha, Suzuki, Honda, KTM and probably all the others too! Paul's core business is his design work. The focus is on value for money. He and Kyle also service and repair bikes at a very acceptable £25 per hour and they know their stuff. I'll be getting Paul to look after the RSV for me for sure. They are based in Basingstoke in Hampshire and do tyres, race prep and performance tuning including flow testing exhausts and reprofiling cams yet they will do an ordinary service for you too. No snobbery here mate! Good blokes!

This a guy that built an 08 YamahaR1 to produce 208bhp AT THE REAR WHEEL! Apparently it did 138mph in 1st gear, 153mph in 2nd, 168mph in 3rd and 182mph in 4th. They didn't have enough track to test 5th and 6th but estimated top is in the region of 225mph. He also raced it against his tuned Busa and left it for dead. (Do NOT read this Peter Cameron!)

Racing Creations MX are contesting the BritishMX3 Open Championship, the Maxxis British Championships, Red Bull Pro National and the British 2-Stroke Championships and the Motorcycle Federation Silkolene Fuchs 2 stroke championship.

Zack Blackwell, 23, a British Junior Champion will ride the Yamaha 250 2 stroke and Brett Wheeler, also 23, will be on the 2009 Yamaha 450 four stroke.

JK: What's your favourite circuit?

Paul: Maisemore in Somerset near the Cheddar Gorge. It's beautiful and well set up.

JK: How many people constitute the Racing Creations MX team?

Paul: There are six of us in all including my wife.

JK: What size of audience attend a MX event?

Paul: MX3 2-3,000 at £15 a ticket, Red Bull events pull 10,000+ ... same sort of price.

JK: TV exposure for your sponsors?

Paul: Most definitely. Sky Sports Max Power, Extreme TV, Blood Sweat and Gears...

JK: Indoor and outdoor events?

Paul: In 2010 we'll be contesting 23 outdoor meets and 5 indoor, all towards the end of the season. Liverpool Echo Arena, NEC, O2 Arena London and the MEN in Manchester.

JK: How do you rate your chances?

Paul: I won't set impossible hopes but I reckon Zak in the top 3 and Brett top 20's in MX3 and Pro Nationals.
JK: Sponsors?
Paul: Besides MotoZania.com too many to name off the top of my head! Go to our website http://www.racingcreationsuk.co.uk/LinksandTeamsponsors.html  for all the info.
JK: So how would you summarise your services?
Paul: 1.service and maintenance work on all makes and models how ever many wheels.
2.high performance tuning and setup on all types of bikes and systems including susupension. 3.tyres.
4.clothing and accessories.
If its something you want or need I can get it or sort it, so just give me a call or email me.

Now if you fancy meeting Paul and his team and the bikes come to the Haslemere Fire Station's 'Ready To Ride' event on Sunday April 18th. Town centre, loads of free parking and Wetherspoon's The Swan do cheap food and loads of non-alcoholic drinks for a safe ride home.

I'll be there at the Extra Mile Bike Tours stand. My RSV will be with me. I expect I'll get the usual verbal abuse.

Not exactly a long-term report you understand...

OK so I've only ridden it for about 70 miles. Big deal.

The most accurate long term assessments are often established in the first fleeting moments by gut feel. At least I have found that to be the case. I have friends who believe in their gut-feel more than they believe in God or science. I have friends who don't have gut feel. They have a gut but don't feel. I'm sort of suspended between cynicism and love-at-first-sight. This weakness/strength can prove good/bad with human relationships (who needs those when you have a hot bike?) and bike/owner relationships. I'll stick with bikes here. Everything in life is 50/50.

I fell in love with my R1. I also lusted after the Aprilia RSV1000. Well now I've owned and ridden both. My first impressions? Both are superb.

The RSV takes the prize for soul with a capital S. It also walzes away with the prize in the confidence-boosting handling. Styling? I'd actually give the R1 the edge. The RSV in my eyes has sexy details but overall is a tad too Busa-obese and that porky pig face is not nice. I may see what I can do about that with a front fairing and some HID lights. (I found the HID lights on my USA 05 R1 to be life-savers!) Oddly enough the RSV actually feels a wee bit lighter yet here are the crucial comparison figures:

                             98 YamahaR1   05 YamahaR1   03 ApriliaRSV

BHP:                           150                         175                  130

Torque:                       80ftlb                       78ftlb               73ftlb

Weight:                       175kg                     173kg              187kg

Top Speed:                175mph                  175mph          165mph

(Those figures come from a leading bike magazine. I say Bollocks. I saw an indicated 189mph on my 05 R1 in Arizona and realised it was the 186mph electronic cut-out.)

Split second, on-the-road, first impressions of the Aprilia RSV Mille: Easy clutch, smooth take-up, planted feel, easy-turning, excellent road manners on our crappy roads ( I doubt Charlie Boorman could survive our b-roads on his BMW these roads are so patched and potholed!). Fueling seems excellent and the thrust is delicious if not in R1 territory. Comfort is good (I LOVE the arse-up-head-down position for riding). Engine braking is very strong which suits me cause I am a chicken at braking hard. (Mind you, my superb rolling stoppie on the now deceased R1 saved my legs!). The rear brake is phenominally powerful but the front brakes, in spite of braided hoses (on this used bike) were quite soft. I like them 'grabby' like the Aprilia 750 Dorsoduro I tested.

The gearbox I have learned is, as of 2003, a close-ratio box. Rather.

I wouldn't like to suggest that one actually rows the bike along by gear changing but shall we say that 'it's rather lively' compared to the R1. I needed 2 gears on the Yamaha R1 to decimate the population. 3rd and 6th. The RSV keeps Alzheimers at bay. Changing gears is like looking after grandchildren. The nappies just need changing all the time! I may chat about a lower rear sprocket for better fuel economy and higher top speed (more my style..wheelies and drag racing fade to insignifacance versus petrol-stops and top speed on Autobahns).

Ergonomics: Very nice! I really love the left hand switchgear. It is far more natural and glove-friendly than the Japanese switches. After 6 years I was never able to find the bloody R1 horn in a panic. In seconds I had it on the Aprilia and the dip/main beam switch is a godsend! That switch is the most important switch at night on the tree-tunnel roads of Surrey and it falls to hand like a bottle of finest Scotch. The riding position is wonderful for me (I'm a whisker under 6') and the wind protection with the double-bubble screen and full fairing is much better than the R1.

I love the bum stop - tuck position on fast A roads and I'm convinced this baby will be a great touring bike. The clocks are very comprehensive and clear. I HATED that I had to choose between time and trip on my R1. WHY can't you tell me what time it is (for urgent meetings!) AND how far I have travelled AND how much fuel I have left! You feckin' eedjut bike builders! Of course you can give us what we NEED to know NOW. Oh no! We must pander to bike mag journalists that think all we want are lap-times! For gawd's sake even Dani Pedrosa doesn't need a lap timer! He can see Valentino's arse! That's enough!

Was I ranting? Sorry. I think I need to take over the world's bike standardisation program... OK so back to the Aprilia ergonomics. Great. I can see my speed (kmph or mph), the time, trip meter, temp, and revs at one glance...if the clock worked! I push the buttons and see the hour flashing...press the lap-timer button on the left hand switchgear (doubles as a dip/flash overtaking warning when riding) and ...Nothing. A big fat Italian nothing! I hope their lovers aren't like their electronics!

I rode my RSV around to a friendly Triumph-riding car dealer/biker in Haslemere. The first thing he said was "Wait 'til you're on a Motorway in the pissing rain mate". He didn't realise that Pete delivered it in the pissing rain with no problems and got nailed for speeding (daft bugger). But the 'urban myths' about Italian vehicles persist in England (which is why you can buy most Italian vehicles at half their value here). As if the bloody Brits can talk!!!! Did you know that England has now managed to manufacture TVs? They finally figured out how to make them leak oil...

After a sunny ride (3 hours of sunshine today at 9C/49F - that's our allotment for the year) I arrived at my mates business (KG Sprayers in Aldershot) to request a favour. Could you cut and re-weld and the powder-coat my side stand? The bloody thing holds the Aprilia so upright that if a sparrow farts the bike falls over! It's a non-stop heart-attack-waiting-to-happen. The problem is guessing how much to cut out. How can a designer get it so wrong? Doesn't anyone in these firms TRY the bugger out? Or are they all drunk? It reminded me of my amazed/stupified rant when at 21 years of age I bought a cheap old Norton Dominator. The centre stand hit the ground at such a low lean angle that 8 neighbours had to help the crane operator get it onto the stand. I was young and green but even I took 3 seconds to see that the damned thing was ridiculously calculated! How do these people get the job? (Do NOT get me started on mobile phone designers...retards!)

My mate reckons I should also powder coat the few bits that are raw aluminium (Yanks listen up - Aluminium as in Titanium and Magnesium. You do NOT say Titanum or Magnesum!!!) matt black. Hmmmm. Sounds tasty. If that happens photos will be produced!

So 2 days riding on mixed manufacturer front/rear tyres including frozen roads, fast curves, small roundabouts, dark tree-tunnels, child-collection mummy drivers, old gits in Micras, white-van hoody-boys, upright lime-green-vest bike learners, familiar corners of terror and pride, patched and pot-holed roads, orange-cone-land, dithering University professors in Rovers, self-righteous Volvo drivers and nutcase Suzuki GSXR riders and I LOVE this Aprilia!!!!

No drama, no fuss, no heart-stoppers, no 50 pence piecing (google that one Americans) and nothing but the sublime sense of speed at no speed (Cor but this baby is perfect to dawdle and stare at thatched roof pubs!) yet no speed at speed. Perfection? I may have found it... but then I haven't ridden the RSV4... YET!!!

Liquid Sex

Do NOT go to www.extramilebiketours.com. The 'boss' recorded a video (So the guys not an actor... Sorry Carl) and whilst letting interested bikers know what and whom they can expect on their tours  he called me Peter Pan!!!! The mickey-taking I've suffered from my mates is excruciating! Especially that Norton/Rover owning duffer from Spain! Aaaahhhh who cares...he rides like a copper! He should be thrown out as a member of MotoZania anyway.
My reply was..."With a girlfriend like Tinkerbelle you can laugh all you want". 
Right, down to serious business which is the grand announcement that His Majesty King James is back on 2 wheels! Rover drivers quake in terror! The embarrassment of being in a box (old rotten Golf) is over. Just as it failed the yearly MOT (roadworthiness test - more stressful than a divorce) I found my secret heart-throb. For almost 10 years I have been a closet Aprilia lover (with a name like R1MadBrit how COULD I leave the Yamaha camp?). The problem lies in the engine configuration. At the risk of being castrated with bricks by half the American population on Harleys...I actually do NOT like the sound/vibes/pulses of that 45degree V-Twin. It sounds CRUDE. (Which may well match many owners lifestyle?). I like the Ducati 90degree V-Twin (don't you hate it when smart-arses call it an L-Twin just to be 'exact'?) as you listen to the cancellation of secondary vibration. But the first time an Aprilia RSV Mille, with its 60 degree V-twin (good - no smartypants correctors here) thundered past my little English house and shook the foundations it had a bass resonance that blew all the big-speaker bling boys away. I was smitten. So I would market my software company (DesignR1 software) using every trick in the book and the appeal of Yamaha's admittedly gorgeous R1 to pull publicity. But there was always that sideways glance at Aprilia. I hate them. They corrupted me from my 'happy' marriage.
It goes like this. I decided to get rid of the faithful, but temporary, 1989 Honda CBR600F. Red, white, blue with Micron end can and utterly faultless if a tad dull. I went to the AllyPally (MCN bike show at Alexandra Palace London) with the above mentioned Welsh/Spanish pervert. We called ourselves Bitter and Twisted. (Some MAD idea I had that generated fun with bored sales staff). I actually tried to buy a 1999 RSV Mille from a guy. In fairness he may have pegged me as a wuss or granny-rider but since I was hard-man fit at that time (well OK for that week) he asked me "What do you want to use it for?". I replied "Riding to London for Media meetings". "Go buy a Jap four" he said.
Crushed. I cursed BIKE and SuperBike and MCN. My love was a hormone basket-case!

Later that year... NEVER GO TO BIKE DEALER WITH YOUR 16 YEAR OLD SON!
I ended up with a red and white 1998 YamahaR1. Six years later and with a 2005 R1 over in the USA (a better bike to be honest) I am a religious convert. The main attraction was that 5 valve engine (Magnificent!) and the styling that even blew Ducati to the weeds in the early naughties. But I Felt inadequate. Every corner was a chore. Every mini-roundabout a heart-in-the-throat self-esteem loser. Every 90 degree corner a 50pence piece. Comments from experienced riders did NOT help. "Oh you have an R1? That'll spit you off at every corner" said a racer at the motorcycle show. THANKS PAL! Boost my confidence why don't you!

To be honest the engine tractability FAR outweighed the unflattering handling. Maybe I was just too slow? (Mind you, 167mph coming back from my sister's in Wimbledon doesn't sound TOO shabby). Of course my upbringing played a role. "Its a poor workman that blames his tools" rang in my ears in the imperious tones of my mother. I wish Max Biaggi had had my mother as a tutor!
Well as any of you faithful readers know, a ROVER destroyed my now beloved R1 on August 9th 2009. You can see her arse above the bonnet in my blog. (P.S. The local Police called to say they LOVED my blog and wished ALL accident victims had my 'wicked' sense of humour! Notch one up to Peter Pan!) 
Due to a lack of funds, and the neglect of the retarded people running HSBC's insurance division, I was skint with a capital S. I would not allow myself to look at bike classified ads. Whilst looking at period china plates for my Victorian renovated house (all of one flippin' quid!) I accidentally stumbled upon a 2003 Aprilia RSV1000. (Honest - God made me do it!)
I bid. No chance! Five, tense days later it was mine!!!!!
2.3 nano-seconds later I called the owner to ask sensible questions like "Has it any MOT and road tax/been stolen/raced/crashed/owners/tyres). Come on mate! Anyone who puts 10 DETAILED photos on eBay has nowt to hide I reckon. Peter Cameron was a gent. A nutter - but a gent. He put a new MOT on it (his confidence it would pass was the BIGGEST satisfaction I have ever had after ...no let's not go there), taxed it and rode it through the POURING rain to deliver it to my door 80 miles away! I ran him home in the Golf and boy did we swop stories!
I will blog about Peter later. Amazing he's alive! But he is MORE than alive...believe me.

That was Sunday. I wrapped the RSV in a tarp and tried to sleep. 2-3 hours tops. On to the web/phone for insurance quotes. My old insurer (Bennets were never beat on my R1) were a disaster as the IT duffer had let the system crash according to the tele-sales boy. I shopped and got a great deal from the grinning big-head (see my last blog where the mascot is with Louisa).
The sun actually appeared after 5 months of non-stop rain. But it was polar-cold. By noon it was warm so I washed the Aprilia and realised I had a MotoZania sponsor interview with Paul Coltman of Racing Creations. I dressed warmly and took my first tentative ride on this Vtwin beast. Not 100 yards from my door is the first corner. SWOOP. I'm in love and the sound has already stolen my soul. Well let's just see how this really goes because I am soooo impulsive I trust myself less than my business partner trusts me to rise early! I called to show it to Louisa and we agreed that this baby was liquid sex on wheels!
16 Miles later I was riding with real comfort through the bends and roundabouts. Planted, stable, light on its feet, and thundering. The real issue seemed to be getting to know exactly which gear I was in. All these flippin' do-dad electronics and no gear indicator!!! Eedjuts! I had an amazing time at the pub interviewing Paul Coltman who reckons I had made the right choice for a superb road machine. Now how can I match the machine?
We parted about 7:30pm and by 8pm the roads shone with an icy glaze and I was absolutely FROZEN. The next ars**ole professor that mentions global bloody warming will be strapped naked to my Aprilia for a ride to Farnham at 8pm. He'll be pronounced dead on arrival!
I'll write a second blog comparing the 03 Aprilia to the 98 R1. Oh yes, and some of the characters I'm meeting through biking.
Photos: This little piggy went to market... no room for a bird...oh look it hasn't fallen over! (more later)