My reply was..."With a girlfriend like Tinkerbelle you can laugh all you want".
Right, down to serious business which is the grand announcement that His Majesty King James is back on 2 wheels! Rover drivers quake in terror! The embarrassment of being in a box (old rotten Golf) is over. Just as it failed the yearly MOT (roadworthiness test - more stressful than a divorce) I found my secret heart-throb. For almost 10 years I have been a closet Aprilia lover (with a name like R1MadBrit how COULD I leave the Yamaha camp?). The problem lies in the engine configuration. At the risk of being castrated with bricks by half the American population on Harleys...I actually do NOT like the sound/vibes/pulses of that 45degree V-Twin. It sounds CRUDE. (Which may well match many owners lifestyle?). I like the Ducati 90degree V-Twin (don't you hate it when smart-arses call it an L-Twin just to be 'exact'?) as you listen to the cancellation of secondary vibration. But the first time an Aprilia RSV Mille, with its 60 degree V-twin (good - no smartypants correctors here) thundered past my little English house and shook the foundations it had a bass resonance that blew all the big-speaker bling boys away. I was smitten. So I would market my software company (DesignR1 software) using every trick in the book and the appeal of Yamaha's admittedly gorgeous R1 to pull publicity. But there was always that sideways glance at Aprilia. I hate them. They corrupted me from my 'happy' marriage.
It goes like this. I decided to get rid of the faithful, but temporary, 1989 Honda CBR600F. Red, white, blue with Micron end can and utterly faultless if a tad dull. I went to the AllyPally (MCN bike show at Alexandra Palace London) with the above mentioned Welsh/Spanish pervert. We called ourselves Bitter and Twisted. (Some MAD idea I had that generated fun with bored sales staff). I actually tried to buy a 1999 RSV Mille from a guy. In fairness he may have pegged me as a wuss or granny-rider but since I was hard-man fit at that time (well OK for that week) he asked me "What do you want to use it for?". I replied "Riding to London for Media meetings". "Go buy a Jap four" he said.
Crushed. I cursed BIKE and SuperBike and MCN. My love was a hormone basket-case!
Later that year... NEVER GO TO BIKE DEALER WITH YOUR 16 YEAR OLD SON!
I ended up with a red and white 1998 YamahaR1. Six years later and with a 2005 R1 over in the USA (a better bike to be honest) I am a religious convert. The main attraction was that 5 valve engine (Magnificent!) and the styling that even blew Ducati to the weeds in the early naughties. But I Felt inadequate. Every corner was a chore. Every mini-roundabout a heart-in-the-throat self-esteem loser. Every 90 degree corner a 50pence piece. Comments from experienced riders did NOT help. "Oh you have an R1? That'll spit you off at every corner" said a racer at the motorcycle show. THANKS PAL! Boost my confidence why don't you!
To be honest the engine tractability FAR outweighed the unflattering handling. Maybe I was just too slow? (Mind you, 167mph coming back from my sister's in Wimbledon doesn't sound TOO shabby). Of course my upbringing played a role. "Its a poor workman that blames his tools" rang in my ears in the imperious tones of my mother. I wish Max Biaggi had had my mother as a tutor!
Well as any of you faithful readers know, a ROVER destroyed my now beloved R1 on August 9th 2009. You can see her arse above the bonnet in my blog. (P.S. The local Police called to say they LOVED my blog and wished ALL accident victims had my 'wicked' sense of humour! Notch one up to Peter Pan!)
Due to a lack of funds, and the neglect of the retarded people running HSBC's insurance division, I was skint with a capital S. I would not allow myself to look at bike classified ads. Whilst looking at period china plates for my Victorian renovated house (all of one flippin' quid!) I accidentally stumbled upon a 2003 Aprilia RSV1000. (Honest - God made me do it!)
I bid. No chance! Five, tense days later it was mine!!!!!
2.3 nano-seconds later I called the owner to ask sensible questions like "Has it any MOT and road tax/been stolen/raced/crashed/owners/tyres). Come on mate! Anyone who puts 10 DETAILED photos on eBay has nowt to hide I reckon. Peter Cameron was a gent. A nutter - but a gent. He put a new MOT on it (his confidence it would pass was the BIGGEST satisfaction I have ever had after ...no let's not go there), taxed it and rode it through the POURING rain to deliver it to my door 80 miles away! I ran him home in the Golf and boy did we swop stories!
I will blog about Peter later. Amazing he's alive! But he is MORE than alive...believe me.
That was Sunday. I wrapped the RSV in a tarp and tried to sleep. 2-3 hours tops. On to the web/phone for insurance quotes. My old insurer (Bennets were never beat on my R1) were a disaster as the IT duffer had let the system crash according to the tele-sales boy. I shopped and got a great deal from the grinning big-head (see my last blog where the mascot is with Louisa).
The sun actually appeared after 5 months of non-stop rain. But it was polar-cold. By noon it was warm so I washed the Aprilia and realised I had a MotoZania sponsor interview with Paul Coltman of Racing Creations. I dressed warmly and took my first tentative ride on this Vtwin beast. Not 100 yards from my door is the first corner. SWOOP. I'm in love and the sound has already stolen my soul. Well let's just see how this really goes because I am soooo impulsive I trust myself less than my business partner trusts me to rise early! I called to show it to Louisa and we agreed that this baby was liquid sex on wheels!
16 Miles later I was riding with real comfort through the bends and roundabouts. Planted, stable, light on its feet, and thundering. The real issue seemed to be getting to know exactly which gear I was in. All these flippin' do-dad electronics and no gear indicator!!! Eedjuts! I had an amazing time at the pub interviewing Paul Coltman who reckons I had made the right choice for a superb road machine. Now how can I match the machine?
We parted about 7:30pm and by 8pm the roads shone with an icy glaze and I was absolutely FROZEN. The next ars**ole professor that mentions global bloody warming will be strapped naked to my Aprilia for a ride to Farnham at 8pm. He'll be pronounced dead on arrival!
I'll write a second blog comparing the 03 Aprilia to the 98 R1. Oh yes, and some of the characters I'm meeting through biking.
Photos: This little piggy went to market... no room for a bird...oh look it hasn't fallen over! (more later)
now you just need to beware of the ROVER......
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