Birmingham Motorcycle show NEC

WOW! That's it folks. Just WOW! This is a pretty big show even without Honda. That didn't break my heart. I'm just not a real Honda fan...

I don't know where to start except with last night. I met some German students at my local and got practicing mein Deutsch. Real ales and biking German's made me stay late. I only slept 4 hours as any time I know I have to be up early keeps me awake all night. Hence my hate of mornings. The only day one never needs to be up early is a Sunday...so I always wake up fresh and early on a Sunday! That's my coffee/design morning. Anyway, I got up needlessly at 6 bloody am, showered and shaved and gathered maps etc and Enterprise picked me up and dumped me in a little silver Ford Fiesta. Off I trundled the 140 miles to the NEC. Traffic jams (some duffers ran their cars into people in front...eedjuts!) roadworks and every 90 year-old fossil in a Nissan Micra made the roads unbearablely slow. I swear I was overtaken in the 50mph roadwork zone by Noah's ark. I know because an elephant pooped on my windscreen. Could have been a Range Rover but the doves on the roof were suspicious... What really hurt was swinging over to let the bikers through...

Needless to say the 12.7 minutes of sunshine was our allowance for this month and to add to the joys it pissed down all the way there. Now, for any American readers I must clarify one thing. We Brits cannot organise a booze-up in a brewery. It's why we win wars. We never expect anything but bungling chaos and confusion and it's all down to keeping a stiff upper lip and then we'll see who has the last man standing. Go to ANY American sports/exhibition venue. Big rectangular car park in front of a big stadium with a simple gigantic entrance with masses of helpful staff to collect your ticket. Inside is simplicity and spaciousness itself. Now why would we want to copy that when our British architects can create a venue of 28 separate buildings with 487 different entrances, 230 twisty, windy carparks that hold 12 cars for 45,000 people. So we do what any self-respecting anarchists do. We set up 367,000 orange cones to close off the entrances we cannot possibly afford to staff and put up no signs so we can catch all 45,000 lost, angry, frustrated customers (who took out a second mortgage to get in) on our 675,000 CTV cameras. The fun is in guessing how long they will take to eventually find their way into the right exhibition. To add to the X-Box game mentality we will run 3 different shows in 92 of the 369 halls so they all crossflow against each other. With any luck the bikers will begin beating the food-show fatties and kicking the dog-loving Pet-Show crowd who left their pit-bulls at home. Welcome to bloody Britain. We detest convenience.

The sad part is exiting the M42 Motorway at junction 6 full of excitement and thinking "in 15 minutes I'll be drooling on Ducatis, yearning for Yamahas, sexed-out by Suzukis, kick-started by Kawasakis, happy Honda stayed away" (just kidding) and 1.5 miles, 32 roundabouts and 1 hour later you find a car park with NO IDEA where on the planet you are! The bus driver (of course) tells you he doesn't go to the motorcycle show but you can walk through from Atrium II - all 437 miles of airport-like skywalk! I am convinced the bloody car parks are in Scotland...

Hey am I ranting?

Like all biker nuts all is forgiven at the sight of walls of Sidi boots, Scorpion helmets, Dainese leathers and lycra-clad legs-to-the-neck brollie babes. You see it in the faces. Carrier bags bursting with brochures to dream over by the fire as it pours down outside. I met Carl from Extra Mile Bike Tours and over a beer I listened to his explanation of their offerings. We were rudely interupted by a cheeky babe so I took a picture. There are some very useful extras thrown in to their tours(like first aid training...I have no clue...I'd snap your head off I think) and the survival course thing REALLY appealed to me. Anyway, we talked tours and how to make them memorable and special and what struck me was the way these guys accept that they are often training bikers to not necessarily need them any more! Once a biker was experienced in European travel of course he can trundle off alone if he so desires. I did pick up the hint that much of the fun was meeting new people though so I assume many come back for new routes and new friends. After that discussion I wandered off and snapped photos. Now at this point I will break off with a few pics and do a new blog about the show. My highlight? Stumbling across BSB stars James Ellison and Leon Camier after the close of the show and buying the GSE racing/Airways Yamaha book signed by both the boys. Pity I missed Charlie Boorman, James Witham and Niall Mackenzie.

Photos: James Ellison BSB R1 wizard, Carl from EXtra MILe bike tours and a non-smoker Swan girl! Brollie Babes amidst the swirl, Ducati 1200 Woodpecker, BMW S1000RR with two kids on board.