More protesting keeps me busy.

OK so I disappeared for several months. I've been busy. Sing along...'We're busy doing nothing, working the whole day through, trying to find lots of things not to do'. Yup, I'm a Brit builder. Dodgy as a Wall Street banker with White House connections. Actually, I've just not been in the mood to write at all. Too busy building an art studio so that I can get back to oil painting. It's been YEARS since I painted. I bought a load of scaffolding planks really cheap and built a studio. Woodburning stove and antique style sink to clean out the brushes. It all takes time.

On the biking front I have never stopped! Man oh man but I have clocked up some miles on the Aprilia RSV. I still love it.

After my brief protest ride with Bike magazine I learned of another ride to protest against Westminster Council charging bikes to park in London. Greedy, money-grabbing and arrogant often seems to describe the local councils of England. We all hate them with a vengeance. So when I heard that loads of bikers were meeting at the Ace Cafe on the North Circular to ride around the whole of the M25 I just had to see it. Saturday 19th of June 2010. Of course the campaign to stop the charges were doomed never to succeed but being surrounded by almost 2,000 bikes all thundering along all 3-4 lanes of the M25 was great! The Police seemed to love it and were helpful and friendly. A very petite young lady dropped her Kawasaki just as we were queueing to leave and oil was dripping from a damaged crankcase. I follwed her in case she broke down but she managed as far as South Mimms (that silly name again) where a rescue truck took her and her bike home. Everyone was enjoying the ride and one girl said it was her first ever protest ride. We laughed about finding any excuse to protest something just to ride with thousands of bikes. I did 2/3s of the M25 and then peeled off at junction 10 for the A3 home. It took the whole day but the sheer spectacle of being in the midst of all those bikes was fabulous.

Whatever next?

A ride through France anyone?

Lethaly slow...

Sunday June 6th 2010. 4:30am. I wake up. As in 'BOING' eyes like golf balls in egg cups. I was heading off at about 7am to join the Bike Magazine Save Our 60s protest ride. Well, protest may be a tad strong for our 'revolution' ride. It seemed more like we were saying "Excuse me Sir Mr. Politician but would you mind awfully if we trundled about a bit and begged you to keep the 60mph speed limit? At least in one or two places? Pretty, pretty please?"

I left too early and killed too much time over a CostaLotta coffee at South Mimms motorway stop (who ever came up with that name?) I therefore arrived just in time at the Bike offices car park to see a fair few bikers and Simon Hargreaves of Bike magazine on the roof of some portacabin attempting to explain things. We were all so well behaved one could hardly describe it as a protest. Just in front of my pigface RSV was a beautiful 04 Aprilia RSV. Very sexy and modern. What a difference a year makes... The point of the ride from Bike magazine's perspective was probably more about gauging readership and their loyalty/support. The scenery as we rode out from Peterborough was astounding. I had no idea that there were such biscuit-tin beautiful villages. I love the old stone bridges. So quaint they are corny. Love it.

We were headed to Melton Mowbray (of pork pie fame folks) and we all knew to ride staggered and no overtaking. No speeding, no wheelies and drive-by shooting of Rover drivers was mildly discouraged too. Pity.The ride was uneventful until we nearly lost the leaders of this tortuously twisting B-road blockade due to some little fart on a Harley. He was supposed to be protesting that 60mph was a sane speed yet he never went over 29mph!!! Lethaly slow. Finally, the exasperated 04 Aprilia rider blasted past him as the pack disappeared into some tiny country road. We all overtook the little nerd who I noted was the same size in all directions. Naturally. 

In Melton Mowbray I topped up my disappearing clutch fluid (I've since learned it's just the O ring and it will be done at the next service) and queued for ages as hundreds of bikers waited for one little old lady to make one styrofoam cup of tea at a time and take the cash. Short notice of our arrival she cheerfully said. Absolutely no concept of making 20 cups at once and then just handing them over. Nope, each one received its teabag and she stirred it and squeezed out the bag. Good time to chat to other bikers. I managed a quick chat with a few of the staff whose articles I really enjoy and then I split from the protest ride and relished some sweeping country roads home. A good day out, a good cause and please can we protest some more sir?.

P.S. Bike magazine even printed one of my silly comments. Fame at last.

Hydraulics and good vibrations

I spent Wednesday walking Prague and snapping away. One of the first places I saw was a restaurant and jewellers called Kingstone! Later I went for a meal in a small courtyard restaurant. The waiter spoke German and offered me a 'typical Czech dinner. It was pork in a brown gravy with slices of dumpling that looked like bread with cream and cranberries. I did not like the gravy at all. I have tried many Czech beers but nothing was really outstanding. Still, the atmosphere was fabulous and I will return one day. Thursday morning I packed and went to ride off when the clutch lever just flopped to the bar. The Hydraulic fluid had gone. Now I was suspicious of a leak as I had had the bike serviced just over a week before. The hotel receptionist was extremely helpful and after a few miles walking I was back with dot4 fluid from a petrol station. Cost me a fiver. I topped it up but did not bleed it so it was a right fandango to ride with just a few millimetres of play. Add to that my misreading of the google maps and I ended up taking the old Highway6 out to Germany instead of the new Autobahn 6 directly to Nuernberg! It deposited me 50 miles to the north of the A6 in germany. The route was so tortuous and diverted and ripped up by endless roadworks that four hours later I cheered with relief as I saw the big sign declaring 'Freistat Bayern'. I had made it to Bavaria! I rode to a petrol station, tanked up on fuel and Nurnberger Bratwurst and a Weissbier. I had to cancel my visit to my former boss and ride all the way to Offingen (near Augsburg in southern Bavaria). My son-in law has a well equipped workshop there. He's designing and building a very specialised drill rig. It uses sonic vibration to drill through very difficult terrain. I managed to find the slave cylinder and bleed the clutch that evening. It's very satisfying to do maintenance work on your bike. Normally I am too lazy to bother. At the restaurant that evening I chatted to two lads who were WALKING from the very south of Germany to the far north of the Country. They were dressed in the traditional clothes of a journeyman (apprentice builder). People seemed to like that they were keeping the tradition alive and helped them in any way they could. Friday morning I spent servicing the RSV and learning all about Paul's rig. He invented a new type of slurry pump and I stayed to see it tested. I was late getting away and then I hit major traffic on the A8/A5/A6. It began to pour down so I dodged under an overpass with some other bikers and slipped on my waterproofs. A bit like closing the gate after the horse has bolted but I needed to minimise the soaking. Needless to say 15 minutes up the road on the way to Mannheim the sun came out and cooked me! I've worked out how to control the weather. If you want rain for your garden - light a BBQ. If you want sunshine put on rain gear. I couldn't make it to Brussel so I called my friend and then found a hotel in Aachen for the night. Wienerschnitzel and Weissbier fixed all the aches and I started my calculations for fuel consumption on the trip. I first called at a small hotel named Goering! It was full. I think I'd change the name if it was mine! Saturday morning saw me up at 6am and riding fast in the cold air to Brussel. Now as much as I like Brussel, it is the most difficult city in the world to find your way around. Every roundabout has 20 streets coming off of it and the street names are so long and the sign (if there is one) so small that you have no chance of reading it. I went by instinct and memory and managed to get within 2 minutes of Lionel's place before resorting to calling him for directions. It was great to see him again and after a few coffees he kindly drove ahead of me and put me on the E40 to Calais. Two hours later I was boarding the ferry for home. Where, of course, it was pissing down. I had a good chat with some BMW R1200GS riders and we all had to pull in and pull on the rain gear. It stopped raining.
Home, pub, reflect, calculate, download over 200 photos, sleep like Rip Van Winkle. One thing I learned, my next trip will be a relaxing tour with Extra Mile Bike Tours! The next weekend is the Bike protest ride where we can all pretend we are hippies. That's the next blog.

Then we take Berlin...

It would be hard to ask for anything better. The sun was shining and at last the temperature is summer grade instead of arctic. My tank bag/tail pack arrived the day before departure. I had spent hours running around looking for a tank bag in case it didn’t arrive but hated the strap-on tank bags. Way too messy and complicated and even they wouldn’t work on the RSV.

I was none too pleased to realise that it has a plastic tank. Even more irritating was to discover that the dealer who sold it to the previous owner had done a PDI and not even noticed that the filler cap assembly had no seals. Petrol poured from a filled tank on hard acceleration and, trust me, a burning willie does not make for a fun ride. I will get the proper gaskets but there was no way to get them before my first big ride. So I used a huge O ring from some tractor oil filter. It’s not a perfect fit but it seems to have done the job. I was averaging about 40-42mpg and the first tankful on the ride to Dover averaged over 50mpg. That was at speeds of about 80mph for 90% of the trip. The M25 was flowing nicely and THAT was a miracle akin to turning water into wine. Tanked up and booked in I rolled to the ferry with no passport checks and was ushered onto the Sea France ferry within 5 minutes of arrival by biker-friendly staff. I'm a member of MAG and booked through Sport Travel Solutions (Julie Warnes) after reading her advert and saved quite some money.

Sea France had solid fixings and a clean, modern, spacious ship. I chatted to a few bikers. Some riding to watch MotoGP at Le Mans, two French lads that had just completed a tour of England and Wales and a well-travelled Buell rider and his partner that were touring the Rhine. The English are a bit reserved in answering questions about where they hail from so we laughed when we eventually discovered we were virtually neighbours! Off I wandered amongst 10 million school kids from all over Europe and grabbing a cold beer sat at a table looking at France and listening to Bob Dylan and Mick Jagger on my MP3. The sun was still shining!

I had pre-booked my hotel in Duisburg and agreed to do my best to be there by 8:30pm. I was off the ferry at 5pm and had to do 380Km in 3 1/2 hours.  Not a big problem...until one learned that it was a European bank holiday and that some twit in Antwerp managed to stuff his car into someone else's bloody 'baby on board' 4x4 barge. As my sister says, "I hope he had the courtesy to kill himself". 50Km of 'Stau' and I get to crawl through at 20Km per hour! Once out the other end of the nightmare I hunkered down behind the screen and leathered it. It's not all that pleasurable across Belgium. There are only 40 ton articulated lorries from Poland and Slovenia on their motorways. Solid walls of these behemoths prevent anyone from entering or exiting the motorways!

I finally managed to make the Netherlands (I call it the Never-never-lands on account of the boredom). There I noted that all humans in a car are TOWING. I mean TOWING. Trailers, caravans, fold-down-tents, anything as long as they tow something! I now know that Dutch babies are born with an "anhangerkuplung" (towball) on their arse. There does seem to be a competition between how many bicycles you can attach to the rear of your Volvo and how upright you can sit as you tow your caravan but in general the scheme is simple. Bring Germany to a halt by towing things at a slow pace.

I finally entered Germany at some ungodly speed. Well, it was actually quite modest but on an Aprilia RSV1000 120mph FEELS like 280mph. All my mental calculations to stay awake worked as I rolled past the Duisberg 'Chemie Fabrik stink' and a bit beyond that pong found my hotel. Very nice for the price. As the landlady rushed out for her night out I sauntered to a pub for Frikedelen (hamburgers with nothing but mustard) and a few Weissbier. The people were so friendly it was embarrassing.

Saturday morning I enjoyed a superb german breakfast for old times sake and headed off to see an old friend near Bielefeld. I got there on time to find he had a very clean Yamaha 750 V-twin Super Tenere. We rode to his new house in the forest and then said our goodbyes. 400Km to my daughter's apartment in Berlin. It was 2pm. Could I make it for my estimated 6pm? Try 6:05 mate! And it would have been 5:30pm but for Google maps!

So I managed Berlin at the said time and really liked it. That city needs a few visits to get it all. My daughter Stephanie and her husband Paul took me around on Sunday on a mountain bike with a hatchet for a saddle but even the medeival torture machine couldn't spoil the day. I was most amazed by the number of canals/tributaries/rivers...hence the map link as I remembered just how important rivers are in European history. No river? Your a NOBODY DUDE!  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Elbe_Einzugsgebiet.png 

 During one of our walks to a really cool Sunday market we saw a baby bird learning to fly. I patted it and as I took it's photo the mother flew down and fed it a grub! The poor little bugger flew into windows and cars but was learning quickly. It reminded me of my riding...crash, try again, crash, try again. The Sunday market was packed and my favourite was the 'beach bar'. Soft sand, cool beer and live music. Check out the photo of the 'Ordungsamt' chap. It means Orderliness Bureau! Only in Germany eh?

Then off to Dresden where I tried to warm up at a petrol station en route and met Peter the Aussie pilot with a 1951 VW Beetle. Dresden was lovely but my stop was just for a few moments to snap some pics. Then on to Prague. I stopped near the border to learn that as a motorcyclist I did not need to buy a Vignette for the motorways for 10Euros. (£2,000 I assume by today's rates - I renamed the GBP as Great British Pesos).                                                                                         The flat, boring roads gave way to increasing hills of serious height and beauty. The roads here are very good as motorways and even the rougher small roads are in FAR better repair than Britains A roads. It's unbelievable to suddenly view England as a third world country (try 4th world). The bike has been perfect but as I entered Prague in rush hour the clutch hydraulics began to play up a wee bit and gave me a few anxious moments as the bike tried to imitate one of those bucking-bull rides at big BBQs. Arriving in rush hour with a grabby clutch and looking for somewhere to stay (cheap) had me a tad stressed for 5 minutes. I spotted some 'apartments' and enquired. Cheap, 10 minutes from the old town and I can cook for myself. Cool. The fact that my Aprilia is right opposite a Police station has me smug as a bug in a rug.

1/2 an hour later I was off with my camera in my now ripped jeans (damn!) as my leathers aired in a spacious room with TV and WiFi. Endless lanes and gorgeous buildings soon had me lost but not worried. I was opposite the Florence Police station so I didn't need to memorize Vrdlakbkyzchy...

After another glorious day it's started to rain so I decided to spend the evening with a few Czech biers and some Moldavian red wine in my cheapo apartment. I'll cook some pasta later. I have a million photos of Prague (A MUST VISIT CITY) and I really loved the views in Dresden too. How beautiful it must have been before Churchill ordered it's destruction (Retaliation for the bombing of Coventry) is beyond imagining. Hence the map (I LOVE maps!) of the Elbe that starts here and flows to Hamburg. (Not McDonalds you duffers! The original city!) By the way, I'm enjoying an ORIGINAL Budweiser (Budvar) beer! Looks like Anhauser-Busch even stole the logo!

I'm not keen on the food here. The tins in the supermarket have that 'eastern' "soviet troops in the trenches" look and seems to be mostly fish of suspicious origin. Smoking is so common that all you hear in adjoining rooms is the splatter of lung-chunks against walls. It's easy to spot eastern slav guys. They look like avatars through the fag smoke...Borat has nothing on my political incorrectness eh?

I was too busy gawking at the architecture to Czech out the Czicks but this city has a lot of nice looking ladies. The problem is - they speak Czech! OMG is this an UGLY language! I have taken photos of some posters and signs. The best was a political poster (one assumes) with the slogan  of Vrzlidgy pidgy! That's as close as I can come. Brzldvky vldsaziky prznatsky says it all. Everything ends in the letter Y. See my blog photos (coming soon to a cinema near you) of Mezy Hot Dogy available at all good petrol stations. One assumes mustard is available too...

Reading your little free hotel map is beyond mortals with an IQ under 4678 but the people like English and it's amazing how many speak it well enough to help. I use the sun to navigate.

Well it looks like I am facing rain for the last 2 1/2 days of my ride but I'll bet I scoot through untouched! hahahaha. My froggtoggs suit kept me warm on the ride south from Berlin so if it keeps me dry tomorrow then all's well. I'll attempt to post a photo album of my trip. I say attempt as these web blogs are horrific to work with.

Hope you are all safe and sound and happy and very jealous...

As we say in Prague... Vczsky mldgvisky brnosknzgky. Go figure.

R1MadBrit rides the awsome Moto Morini and manages to park his Aprilia in London!

Wow am I late getting this blog out! My pooter blew. As in Windows7 opens but without any sign-in box. It's going back for repairs. My lousy luck is world famous (Everyone sing along: "If it wasn't for bad luck -I wouldn't have no luck at all"). Let me explain. I DO have 'luck' in many huge areas of life. But Sod's Law rules every minute of it. I'm sort of like a chap that wins a round-the-world boat trip only to find the terms and conditions stipulate you spend the entire trip sitting on a drawing pin (thumb tack to Yanks). So I thought I should report my incident of last night that flies in the face of reason. I parked my motorcycle in Westmnster!

I was due to meet my business partner at a curry house in London for a freebie meal. I checked motorcycle parking spaces on my sister's pooter to find that Westminster charges to park bikes now. (Greedy swine councillors!) Undetered I left a bit of extra time and rode off into the sunset. Oddly enough I even got a tad muddled on the route in and wasted a further 5 minutes. Then a detour due to road works at the bottom of Queensway added another 5 minutes. I finally rode past the front door of said restaurant and swung right immediately as I saw a motorcycle-only-parking-bay right across the road. There was even a tiny spave left next to the 3,756 Honda 90 Pizza delivery bikes. I squeezed in, making sure not even my mirror crossed the end-of-bay white line so the gangs of Somalian Traffic Wardens couldn't book me, checked the fees and found that they stop charging at 6:30pm. It was EXACTLY 6:30pm. Cocky sod enters curry house as a dozen Bin Laden-look-alikes leave...

Flippin' cold riding home. 6C (42F)! Britain's longest winter I reckon!

I have been riding quite a bit lately. Mostly to visit dealers to promote Extra Mile Bike Tours and MotoZania.com. One event I really enjoyed was an evening at Haslemere Motorcycles (no longer in Haslemere though!) where R1 riding World Superbike star James Toseland attended. There are pics and video of his visit on their website.

Now I expected the usual breeze in, wave, rush out leaving 6 signed autographs. Nope. This boy was gracious, witty and pleasant and spent the entire evening there signing autographs for a queue that went round the block and then he sat and played the electric piano and sang for us! At just 23 years of age his many talents blew us away. Now I am not an autograph hunter but I did get my poster with a signature for the 'office' wall. It seemed disrespectful not to!

On that evening the sales chap Mark asked me if I had seen 'IT'. ??? 'IT' turned out to be a Suzuki Burgman with a big label that said Sold to James Kingstone on it! The RATS! In front of all those people! My mate Andy will laugh about that! Andy and I sneeringly suggest that the other should be doddering about on a Burgerman with day-glo safety harness and tesco carrier bags in the footwells. Haslemere Motorcycles have indulged our pranks on one another for many years. Now it was my turn to get sneered at. With a cast of thousands present. I'll kill you guys! I also met the Yamaha rep that night who described the new R1 in terms that made me drool and doubt my change to Aprilia. One day I'll snag a ride and see how good it is. When I win the Lotto...

The problem James Toseland's niceness has created for me is that I was cheering for Leon Camier on the Aprilia RSV4 in World Superbikes. Now I have to cheer for BOTH of them! (Not that that is odd for me. I cheered for both Munich Bayern and Manchester United as they battled it out in footbal. United won. Very dramatic. We thought the lads would beat me up in the pub as I cheered for the Germans but once I explained they laughed and bought me pint.)

I met Leon very briefly at LAX awaiting passport control some years ago and sort of cheered him on ever since. When he romped away with the British Superbike title last year on the Yamaha R1 I was at Brands to cheer him on. I must be effective at cheering because he won all 3 races. (It was a bank holiday Monday). That was the day the Rover destroyed my beloved '98 R1. I blasted it from Brands and slowing to a pleasant pootle with just 5 miles to go...kerbang! Over the bonnett and down the road. Yesterday I went for an MRI scan on the busted hand and foot, 9 months later.

Anyway, there I was as a happy R1 supporter and Camier went to Aprilia. And then I bought my Aprilia RSV1000. So I cheer for Aprilia and feel guilty every time I sign into MotoZania.com as R1MadBrit. Maybe I need to change to R1RSVMadBrit? I think just Mad Brit would be more appropriate.

One of the dealers I visited was Three Cross Motorcycles near(ish) Wimborne, Dorset. I do believe Leon Camier lives there. Anyway, salesman and generally good chap Steve Thomas takes me in to a showroom to show me a Moto Morini 1200 Corsaro in Italian red with Termignonis. Starts the beast up. OMG it was like Armaggedon with a sidestand. He casually asked if I had my licence (always my dear boy) and said he needed me to ride it 20 miles to the petrol station to fill the tank. The sun was shining, roads near empty, the fields were golden and the English countryside looked like a 1920's Weetabix advert! That bike is AMAZING! Grunt? That bugger will pull dead elephants up walls! The supermoto stance was very confidence inspiring and in no time at all I felt relaxed and comfortable. I liked the low-speed handling and the swooping bend-altering flight was more akin to snowboarding. I was planning to mug someone to buy it! 30mph, 6th gear, I opened up and away she went without a glitch or a "how's your auntie?". As I rolled into Three Cross Motorcycles to return the bike a chap was waiting his turn to test ride. Asked my opinion the second I dismounted all I could stammer was "WOW". He grinned and went off to change into his gear. If he can afford it I hate his guts...

I know it sounds like this is a plug for that dealer but the atmosphere in the place was excellent and I like that. I will say though that almost all the dealers I have visited in England are super friendly.

I also visited Snell Ducati in Alton Hampshire to say hello to 'Desmo' Dave. He raved about the Desmo and the new Multistrada which is selling like Nissan Micras at a pensioner's convention. Apparently they have the last Desmo you can buy so nick yer local MP's fiddled expenses and get down there.

Another event I enjoyed was the Goodwood Breakfast Club on Sunday 2nd May. A mate from the pub with a Triumph tiger 955i met me at 8am and off we rode with threats of rain overhead. The ride from Haslemere to Goodwood is GLORIOUS with cute English villages and forested twisty roads. The breakfast was £10! We wandered amongst the bikes and old vehicles for an hour and then blatted our way back to our local pub where an even bigger English breakfast is just £3.69. Gotta save for fuel. We just beat the rain too. Oh dear, it's raining, I guess we'll just HAVE to have a pint until it stops...

Photos: Don't mention the war! VW camper van one can hire if one can withstand 20mpg at $6.92  per US Gallon. The biggest bike I have ever seen the Boss Hoss bus - my lens wasn't wide enough to get the sauna in the topbox. A MotoGuzzi single cylinder Italian Army bike with weedy rifle. No wonder they surrendered. Proof that spring has sprung in England and the streets are lined with blossoms. And Rovers!

Finally, I got the Aprilia serviced by Racing Creations and took Paul Coltman's advice to ride the A339 home through Alton. What a lovely English road! The sunshine has been much appreciated but it's still so flamin' cold! I blame the Highafalutin Iceland volcano.

Last but not least I am investigating the price of shipping my 05R1 from AZ to UK (or even Spain). I say investigating because not one of the logistic companies has responded to my on-line requests for a price. I really just want to sell the bike but no one seems to be buying Stateside right now so I'd rather have it where I can enjoy it. If anyone knows a good international bike shipper I'd like to hear from them.

Just alive in spite of the weather here...

Try this for a wrist-slitting list.
It's Tuesday. Even the name of the day is ugly.
It's raining. Again. After months of non-stop winter rain it has started again. They predict 34 years of non-stop rain here in England. I read it on google.
I have bronchitis. I cough all night. The green goop bitter cough syrup does NOT work. How can it? It goes it's petro-chemical, poisonous route to my stomach. The cough is in my lungs you duffer doctors! This gunk is supposed to line your throat. The only thing that will stick in one's throat are Lima beans and fish bones. The antibiotics will work just before I die from lack of sleep.
Slit those wrists yet folks? This will cheer you up! I still really like my Aprilia RSV Mille.
See! The very mention of a bike and we are all happy, healthy and full of dreams to ride to far-flung places. (Who flung them there anyway?) What we Brits mean by far-flung places is anywhere the sun shines for at least 1 hour a week. So when the sun did pop out and the polar bears retreated I took my first real ride (over 2 hours each way). It seems a lot of people want me and my tools to do jobs so after promising to help an old friend I realised my old Golf was off the road and I'd have to lug some hefty tools in a backpack to Colchester way out in Essex. (I think they send space probes out there). It qualifies as far-flung not only on distance but because it apparently sees more sunshine than any other part of Britain.
So here are two photos to prove that Essex people have seen the sun and to maybe convince some of you adventurous Americans to skip Hawaii this year and call us about some fabulous British rides to historical places and pubs. (Who cares if the pub's historical?) The top photo is a popular pub near Colchester on the estuary to the English Channel and the second photo is Colchester Castle of which I know nothing. Actually, Colchester is the oldest city in the UK and was founded by the Romans so there is a lot of history in the town. There is a very old, oak half-timbered Inn where some chaps in boats shot muskets at some other chaps hiding inside (probably some Catholic versus Protestant fight) whilst rowing past. My then 13 year old son drily remarked "World's first drive-by shooting".
Haslemere to Colchester is not a very long ride but with about 60lbs of tools in a backpack I stuck to the dull but quick A3/M25/A12 route. Great coming back over Dartford. At the top of the bridge the views of the Thames are superb. Three things eventually emerged from my longish ride. Speed: I definitely ride slower on this baby. It may well prove a licence saver. The reason is because I enjoy the character of the engine so much I don't NEED to go as fast. The big thrill with the R1 was the RUSH of acceleration. The thrill of the RSV is in the sound and the handling. I'm all too content to burble along. I'm sure the Autobahns will alter that. Fuel Economy: I can't reach the R1's 45mpg but I can manage about 41mpg on the Aprilia. Whilst at the NEC bike show I reported that I had been given a fuel additive to test. Well I have not forgotten and after a few more tankfuls and some long runs I will see if that product helps. Watch this space.
Comfort: The R1 just has the edge on comfort as respects hand/pegs/bum angles so I will be looking at altering the gear-change and rear brake levers to see what I can do to suit my frame. The clutch/front-brake levers are fully adjustable. The mirrors are also to be commended as absolutely clear and sharp with no fuzz of vibration. If my cold-weather gear wasn't so wide on the arms as the wind flattens it I would have very good rear vision. Just tuck in the arm a bit and spot the copper! Wrist-ach was no problem. Oh, by the way, it seems the bike likes me as the constant resetting to Kilomtres has stopped.
My latest plan is to ride to Prague to Czech it out (couldn't resist that one) via Berlin where my daughter now resides. Then on down to Munich to see friends and home via the Black Forest (Schwartzwald) if I have the time/cash/stamina. For that ride I want my twin-lens video fitted so I'll be seeing Paul Coltman of Racing Creations about servicing and adjustments and fitting out the video camera.
See how bike riding plans can fight off rain/bronchitis-induced depression? That and a copy of Bike Magazine with a nice hot cuppa...

Interview with Racing creations UK

I met with Paul Coltman in a pub in Farnborough. It was my first time out on my new Aprilia RSV Mille and his first words were "Brilliant choice for a road bike" so that cheered me up!

Paul is just 28 years old (so I hate him) yet so experienced I wondered where I had gone wrong with my life! He teaches motor vehicles at Farnbourough Tech, runs a MotoX team, a motorcycle repair and design business, supports the Naomi House Hospice (http://www.naomihousehospice.co.uk/) and still has time to meet with the likes of me. Needless to say, there were a few sponsor phone calls during our meeting.

Paul has been riding since 6 years of age (Suzuki RM50) and is fully trained on Yamaha, Suzuki, Honda, KTM and probably all the others too! Paul's core business is his design work. The focus is on value for money. He and Kyle also service and repair bikes at a very acceptable £25 per hour and they know their stuff. I'll be getting Paul to look after the RSV for me for sure. They are based in Basingstoke in Hampshire and do tyres, race prep and performance tuning including flow testing exhausts and reprofiling cams yet they will do an ordinary service for you too. No snobbery here mate! Good blokes!

This a guy that built an 08 YamahaR1 to produce 208bhp AT THE REAR WHEEL! Apparently it did 138mph in 1st gear, 153mph in 2nd, 168mph in 3rd and 182mph in 4th. They didn't have enough track to test 5th and 6th but estimated top is in the region of 225mph. He also raced it against his tuned Busa and left it for dead. (Do NOT read this Peter Cameron!)

Racing Creations MX are contesting the BritishMX3 Open Championship, the Maxxis British Championships, Red Bull Pro National and the British 2-Stroke Championships and the Motorcycle Federation Silkolene Fuchs 2 stroke championship.

Zack Blackwell, 23, a British Junior Champion will ride the Yamaha 250 2 stroke and Brett Wheeler, also 23, will be on the 2009 Yamaha 450 four stroke.

JK: What's your favourite circuit?

Paul: Maisemore in Somerset near the Cheddar Gorge. It's beautiful and well set up.

JK: How many people constitute the Racing Creations MX team?

Paul: There are six of us in all including my wife.

JK: What size of audience attend a MX event?

Paul: MX3 2-3,000 at £15 a ticket, Red Bull events pull 10,000+ ... same sort of price.

JK: TV exposure for your sponsors?

Paul: Most definitely. Sky Sports Max Power, Extreme TV, Blood Sweat and Gears...

JK: Indoor and outdoor events?

Paul: In 2010 we'll be contesting 23 outdoor meets and 5 indoor, all towards the end of the season. Liverpool Echo Arena, NEC, O2 Arena London and the MEN in Manchester.

JK: How do you rate your chances?

Paul: I won't set impossible hopes but I reckon Zak in the top 3 and Brett top 20's in MX3 and Pro Nationals.
JK: Sponsors?
Paul: Besides MotoZania.com too many to name off the top of my head! Go to our website http://www.racingcreationsuk.co.uk/LinksandTeamsponsors.html  for all the info.
JK: So how would you summarise your services?
Paul: 1.service and maintenance work on all makes and models how ever many wheels.
2.high performance tuning and setup on all types of bikes and systems including susupension. 3.tyres.
4.clothing and accessories.
If its something you want or need I can get it or sort it, so just give me a call or email me.

Now if you fancy meeting Paul and his team and the bikes come to the Haslemere Fire Station's 'Ready To Ride' event on Sunday April 18th. Town centre, loads of free parking and Wetherspoon's The Swan do cheap food and loads of non-alcoholic drinks for a safe ride home.

I'll be there at the Extra Mile Bike Tours stand. My RSV will be with me. I expect I'll get the usual verbal abuse.

Not exactly a long-term report you understand...

OK so I've only ridden it for about 70 miles. Big deal.

The most accurate long term assessments are often established in the first fleeting moments by gut feel. At least I have found that to be the case. I have friends who believe in their gut-feel more than they believe in God or science. I have friends who don't have gut feel. They have a gut but don't feel. I'm sort of suspended between cynicism and love-at-first-sight. This weakness/strength can prove good/bad with human relationships (who needs those when you have a hot bike?) and bike/owner relationships. I'll stick with bikes here. Everything in life is 50/50.

I fell in love with my R1. I also lusted after the Aprilia RSV1000. Well now I've owned and ridden both. My first impressions? Both are superb.

The RSV takes the prize for soul with a capital S. It also walzes away with the prize in the confidence-boosting handling. Styling? I'd actually give the R1 the edge. The RSV in my eyes has sexy details but overall is a tad too Busa-obese and that porky pig face is not nice. I may see what I can do about that with a front fairing and some HID lights. (I found the HID lights on my USA 05 R1 to be life-savers!) Oddly enough the RSV actually feels a wee bit lighter yet here are the crucial comparison figures:

                             98 YamahaR1   05 YamahaR1   03 ApriliaRSV

BHP:                           150                         175                  130

Torque:                       80ftlb                       78ftlb               73ftlb

Weight:                       175kg                     173kg              187kg

Top Speed:                175mph                  175mph          165mph

(Those figures come from a leading bike magazine. I say Bollocks. I saw an indicated 189mph on my 05 R1 in Arizona and realised it was the 186mph electronic cut-out.)

Split second, on-the-road, first impressions of the Aprilia RSV Mille: Easy clutch, smooth take-up, planted feel, easy-turning, excellent road manners on our crappy roads ( I doubt Charlie Boorman could survive our b-roads on his BMW these roads are so patched and potholed!). Fueling seems excellent and the thrust is delicious if not in R1 territory. Comfort is good (I LOVE the arse-up-head-down position for riding). Engine braking is very strong which suits me cause I am a chicken at braking hard. (Mind you, my superb rolling stoppie on the now deceased R1 saved my legs!). The rear brake is phenominally powerful but the front brakes, in spite of braided hoses (on this used bike) were quite soft. I like them 'grabby' like the Aprilia 750 Dorsoduro I tested.

The gearbox I have learned is, as of 2003, a close-ratio box. Rather.

I wouldn't like to suggest that one actually rows the bike along by gear changing but shall we say that 'it's rather lively' compared to the R1. I needed 2 gears on the Yamaha R1 to decimate the population. 3rd and 6th. The RSV keeps Alzheimers at bay. Changing gears is like looking after grandchildren. The nappies just need changing all the time! I may chat about a lower rear sprocket for better fuel economy and higher top speed (more my style..wheelies and drag racing fade to insignifacance versus petrol-stops and top speed on Autobahns).

Ergonomics: Very nice! I really love the left hand switchgear. It is far more natural and glove-friendly than the Japanese switches. After 6 years I was never able to find the bloody R1 horn in a panic. In seconds I had it on the Aprilia and the dip/main beam switch is a godsend! That switch is the most important switch at night on the tree-tunnel roads of Surrey and it falls to hand like a bottle of finest Scotch. The riding position is wonderful for me (I'm a whisker under 6') and the wind protection with the double-bubble screen and full fairing is much better than the R1.

I love the bum stop - tuck position on fast A roads and I'm convinced this baby will be a great touring bike. The clocks are very comprehensive and clear. I HATED that I had to choose between time and trip on my R1. WHY can't you tell me what time it is (for urgent meetings!) AND how far I have travelled AND how much fuel I have left! You feckin' eedjut bike builders! Of course you can give us what we NEED to know NOW. Oh no! We must pander to bike mag journalists that think all we want are lap-times! For gawd's sake even Dani Pedrosa doesn't need a lap timer! He can see Valentino's arse! That's enough!

Was I ranting? Sorry. I think I need to take over the world's bike standardisation program... OK so back to the Aprilia ergonomics. Great. I can see my speed (kmph or mph), the time, trip meter, temp, and revs at one glance...if the clock worked! I push the buttons and see the hour flashing...press the lap-timer button on the left hand switchgear (doubles as a dip/flash overtaking warning when riding) and ...Nothing. A big fat Italian nothing! I hope their lovers aren't like their electronics!

I rode my RSV around to a friendly Triumph-riding car dealer/biker in Haslemere. The first thing he said was "Wait 'til you're on a Motorway in the pissing rain mate". He didn't realise that Pete delivered it in the pissing rain with no problems and got nailed for speeding (daft bugger). But the 'urban myths' about Italian vehicles persist in England (which is why you can buy most Italian vehicles at half their value here). As if the bloody Brits can talk!!!! Did you know that England has now managed to manufacture TVs? They finally figured out how to make them leak oil...

After a sunny ride (3 hours of sunshine today at 9C/49F - that's our allotment for the year) I arrived at my mates business (KG Sprayers in Aldershot) to request a favour. Could you cut and re-weld and the powder-coat my side stand? The bloody thing holds the Aprilia so upright that if a sparrow farts the bike falls over! It's a non-stop heart-attack-waiting-to-happen. The problem is guessing how much to cut out. How can a designer get it so wrong? Doesn't anyone in these firms TRY the bugger out? Or are they all drunk? It reminded me of my amazed/stupified rant when at 21 years of age I bought a cheap old Norton Dominator. The centre stand hit the ground at such a low lean angle that 8 neighbours had to help the crane operator get it onto the stand. I was young and green but even I took 3 seconds to see that the damned thing was ridiculously calculated! How do these people get the job? (Do NOT get me started on mobile phone designers...retards!)

My mate reckons I should also powder coat the few bits that are raw aluminium (Yanks listen up - Aluminium as in Titanium and Magnesium. You do NOT say Titanum or Magnesum!!!) matt black. Hmmmm. Sounds tasty. If that happens photos will be produced!

So 2 days riding on mixed manufacturer front/rear tyres including frozen roads, fast curves, small roundabouts, dark tree-tunnels, child-collection mummy drivers, old gits in Micras, white-van hoody-boys, upright lime-green-vest bike learners, familiar corners of terror and pride, patched and pot-holed roads, orange-cone-land, dithering University professors in Rovers, self-righteous Volvo drivers and nutcase Suzuki GSXR riders and I LOVE this Aprilia!!!!

No drama, no fuss, no heart-stoppers, no 50 pence piecing (google that one Americans) and nothing but the sublime sense of speed at no speed (Cor but this baby is perfect to dawdle and stare at thatched roof pubs!) yet no speed at speed. Perfection? I may have found it... but then I haven't ridden the RSV4... YET!!!

Liquid Sex

Do NOT go to www.extramilebiketours.com. The 'boss' recorded a video (So the guys not an actor... Sorry Carl) and whilst letting interested bikers know what and whom they can expect on their tours  he called me Peter Pan!!!! The mickey-taking I've suffered from my mates is excruciating! Especially that Norton/Rover owning duffer from Spain! Aaaahhhh who cares...he rides like a copper! He should be thrown out as a member of MotoZania anyway.
My reply was..."With a girlfriend like Tinkerbelle you can laugh all you want". 
Right, down to serious business which is the grand announcement that His Majesty King James is back on 2 wheels! Rover drivers quake in terror! The embarrassment of being in a box (old rotten Golf) is over. Just as it failed the yearly MOT (roadworthiness test - more stressful than a divorce) I found my secret heart-throb. For almost 10 years I have been a closet Aprilia lover (with a name like R1MadBrit how COULD I leave the Yamaha camp?). The problem lies in the engine configuration. At the risk of being castrated with bricks by half the American population on Harleys...I actually do NOT like the sound/vibes/pulses of that 45degree V-Twin. It sounds CRUDE. (Which may well match many owners lifestyle?). I like the Ducati 90degree V-Twin (don't you hate it when smart-arses call it an L-Twin just to be 'exact'?) as you listen to the cancellation of secondary vibration. But the first time an Aprilia RSV Mille, with its 60 degree V-twin (good - no smartypants correctors here) thundered past my little English house and shook the foundations it had a bass resonance that blew all the big-speaker bling boys away. I was smitten. So I would market my software company (DesignR1 software) using every trick in the book and the appeal of Yamaha's admittedly gorgeous R1 to pull publicity. But there was always that sideways glance at Aprilia. I hate them. They corrupted me from my 'happy' marriage.
It goes like this. I decided to get rid of the faithful, but temporary, 1989 Honda CBR600F. Red, white, blue with Micron end can and utterly faultless if a tad dull. I went to the AllyPally (MCN bike show at Alexandra Palace London) with the above mentioned Welsh/Spanish pervert. We called ourselves Bitter and Twisted. (Some MAD idea I had that generated fun with bored sales staff). I actually tried to buy a 1999 RSV Mille from a guy. In fairness he may have pegged me as a wuss or granny-rider but since I was hard-man fit at that time (well OK for that week) he asked me "What do you want to use it for?". I replied "Riding to London for Media meetings". "Go buy a Jap four" he said.
Crushed. I cursed BIKE and SuperBike and MCN. My love was a hormone basket-case!

Later that year... NEVER GO TO BIKE DEALER WITH YOUR 16 YEAR OLD SON!
I ended up with a red and white 1998 YamahaR1. Six years later and with a 2005 R1 over in the USA (a better bike to be honest) I am a religious convert. The main attraction was that 5 valve engine (Magnificent!) and the styling that even blew Ducati to the weeds in the early naughties. But I Felt inadequate. Every corner was a chore. Every mini-roundabout a heart-in-the-throat self-esteem loser. Every 90 degree corner a 50pence piece. Comments from experienced riders did NOT help. "Oh you have an R1? That'll spit you off at every corner" said a racer at the motorcycle show. THANKS PAL! Boost my confidence why don't you!

To be honest the engine tractability FAR outweighed the unflattering handling. Maybe I was just too slow? (Mind you, 167mph coming back from my sister's in Wimbledon doesn't sound TOO shabby). Of course my upbringing played a role. "Its a poor workman that blames his tools" rang in my ears in the imperious tones of my mother. I wish Max Biaggi had had my mother as a tutor!
Well as any of you faithful readers know, a ROVER destroyed my now beloved R1 on August 9th 2009. You can see her arse above the bonnet in my blog. (P.S. The local Police called to say they LOVED my blog and wished ALL accident victims had my 'wicked' sense of humour! Notch one up to Peter Pan!) 
Due to a lack of funds, and the neglect of the retarded people running HSBC's insurance division, I was skint with a capital S. I would not allow myself to look at bike classified ads. Whilst looking at period china plates for my Victorian renovated house (all of one flippin' quid!) I accidentally stumbled upon a 2003 Aprilia RSV1000. (Honest - God made me do it!)
I bid. No chance! Five, tense days later it was mine!!!!!
2.3 nano-seconds later I called the owner to ask sensible questions like "Has it any MOT and road tax/been stolen/raced/crashed/owners/tyres). Come on mate! Anyone who puts 10 DETAILED photos on eBay has nowt to hide I reckon. Peter Cameron was a gent. A nutter - but a gent. He put a new MOT on it (his confidence it would pass was the BIGGEST satisfaction I have ever had after ...no let's not go there), taxed it and rode it through the POURING rain to deliver it to my door 80 miles away! I ran him home in the Golf and boy did we swop stories!
I will blog about Peter later. Amazing he's alive! But he is MORE than alive...believe me.

That was Sunday. I wrapped the RSV in a tarp and tried to sleep. 2-3 hours tops. On to the web/phone for insurance quotes. My old insurer (Bennets were never beat on my R1) were a disaster as the IT duffer had let the system crash according to the tele-sales boy. I shopped and got a great deal from the grinning big-head (see my last blog where the mascot is with Louisa).
The sun actually appeared after 5 months of non-stop rain. But it was polar-cold. By noon it was warm so I washed the Aprilia and realised I had a MotoZania sponsor interview with Paul Coltman of Racing Creations. I dressed warmly and took my first tentative ride on this Vtwin beast. Not 100 yards from my door is the first corner. SWOOP. I'm in love and the sound has already stolen my soul. Well let's just see how this really goes because I am soooo impulsive I trust myself less than my business partner trusts me to rise early! I called to show it to Louisa and we agreed that this baby was liquid sex on wheels!
16 Miles later I was riding with real comfort through the bends and roundabouts. Planted, stable, light on its feet, and thundering. The real issue seemed to be getting to know exactly which gear I was in. All these flippin' do-dad electronics and no gear indicator!!! Eedjuts! I had an amazing time at the pub interviewing Paul Coltman who reckons I had made the right choice for a superb road machine. Now how can I match the machine?
We parted about 7:30pm and by 8pm the roads shone with an icy glaze and I was absolutely FROZEN. The next ars**ole professor that mentions global bloody warming will be strapped naked to my Aprilia for a ride to Farnham at 8pm. He'll be pronounced dead on arrival!
I'll write a second blog comparing the 03 Aprilia to the 98 R1. Oh yes, and some of the characters I'm meeting through biking.
Photos: This little piggy went to market... no room for a bird...oh look it hasn't fallen over! (more later)

JK and Louisa enjoy the London Bike Show

Let me grab a coffee MotoZania freaks. Right. Now I can start to think about this blog which is about the MCN Carol Nash Motorcycle Show in the far east...of London. May as well be in China. What's wrong with Earl's Court for crying out loud? Excel is actally quite impressive and although getting there is a dreary pain as we all know, the moaning stops at the sight of all those bikes, boots, backpacks, beer and babes. Well, a different type of moaning starts...'Why can't I win the Lotto', 'Why is everyone ELSE rich?'...that sort of moaning.

This years show was near identical to the show I reported on at the NEC in Birmingham. The Ducati stand was as sexy as ever but top marks go to Aprilia. Why? They had the RSV4 up on their stage but also they had one to sit on. Gorgeous is the understatement of 2010 for this bike.

We watched the stunt teams in the live action arena. I was gob-smacked. Such skills are unearthly. Steve Colley did amazing stunts on his 65Kg (143lb) GasGas even hopping over his van with NO FRONT WHEEL or forks! World stunt champion Mattie Griffin (an exclusive first appearance at ExCeL) was fantastic on his little GSXR doing hands-free wheelies in a circle amongst other things. As one does... Terry Grant and the UKFMX freestylers were scary brave in my opinion and actually did an indoor back flip. One thing that amused me was how terribly British the audience was. The guy on the mic would yell and gesticulate and desperately try to get the audience to clap or shout. 99% sat in mildly amused stony silence. If this was America they would be screaming and obediently clapping on cue. I sometimes think Americans don't actually care what show they are watching, (well we know that - just look at their talk shows) simply yellinging in large numbers seems to entertain them. All one has to do is name a city or State and watch the Mexican waves and cheering bring the roof down. They are very good-natured at large events. In England some lad risks his life and limbs to perform some God-like feat and there is a gentle patter of discreet claps like they are all out on a golf course! What is so embarrasing is that the show host doesn't seem to get it. The more he demands a screaming show of appreciation the more one can hear a solid "Steady On" from the audience.

I was looking to show my friend Louisa the ugliest bike in the world...the new Honda VFR1200. I was bemoaning the direction the current designers were taking and saying I reckon the new VFR looks like a puppy-fat version of the obese Victory Vision when what do we see before us? Yes, a London double-decker bus with a saddle on it. The Victory Vision. Of course I watched the TYPES of guys that clambered onto the behemoth and sat there thinking 'Vroom Vroom, I wish I was in California instead of Clapham...'  I assumed the top box contains the sauna.

Anyway, between the Suzuki Gladys and the new  Edward Munch scream-faced VFR I have a horrid sensation that these designers LIKED the old Ford Sierra and want the jelly-mold, hospital-food bland styles back. The thing was not yet launched so the Honda was absent. I'm sure it will get rave reviews about purring power, touring nirvana and the usual over-inflated 'build quality' praise that Honda usually gets. Still looks like a pig. And not a cute piglet either... And since I'm ranting on about design and this fetish for faces on bikes, doesn't the new Ducati Multistrada look like Woody Woodpecker? The R1 is an alien insect. Very scary face which I approve of for scaring Rover drivers off the road. The Ducati 1198 is a shark. Super!

I found an interesting product that on face value would seem to be a British bikers dream. Heat In A Click re-usable gel pads. http://www.heatinaclick.com/. There is some little coin-like disc inside that when pressed releases 'salts' or whatever into the gel and it instantly heats to 54C (130F). Shove them in your gloves, boots, bum, whatever and for 45 minutes you get a local hot-spot. The kidney belt version seemed a good idea. Boil the bag when you get home and it returns to its re-usable form. Just don't do that at the same time the missus is cooking boil-in-the-bag rice you duffer.

So far so good. But Mr. Cynical/Sceptical/Sarcastic/Impatient here started to think about it. (Oh no I hear you saying...JK's attempting to think). Actually activating the thing and then getting it to where you want it doesn't seem so easy to me. Picture it. If its cold enough to warrant these heat pads (that'll be 10 months of the year in the UK) you will be wearing some Long-Way-Round Goretex weather-proof bike gear - right? So there I am at the petrol station, surrounded by mums in there 4x4's full of the 'little darlings' and I have cold thighs. So I take two big pads, massage the coin and then strip to my boxers (unless one goes commando when things really hot up) to insert the pads into my trousers all the while fighting my quilted bulky jacket. And how, pray tell, do I keep the pads on my thighs whilst pulling the trousers up? They will either drop to the underside or down into my boots where I already have 2 pads cooking my feet.

Obviously the idea is to PREPARE before you ride out. Ah, the simplicity of genius. But if like me you fight your way into your bike gear getting all clobbered up in the bedroom and are a melting puddle of sweat before you get to your bike, whereupon you remember your mobile, so back into the house fourteen times for items you forgot you needed, each time struggling out-of and into your backpack (which ALWAYS snag on the myriad tabs, buttons, pockets of your left arm)...by now you just want to freeze your nuts off in an icy wind to prevent self-combustion. Now that we have achieved our usual pre-ride operating temperature of Nebucadnezzar's furnace we remeber to ignite our heat pads... I can just see myself at my local Esso station stripped naked and hosing myself down with a cold jet-wash whilst stomping on the heat-pads in fiery fury. Then an hour later, shivering on the boring M25, I'd wish I had a couple of little glove pads...which I couldn't activate anyway because one may not stop on a Motorway and, as any biker knows, we HATE stopping to fuss over things and anyway whichever exit you take there will be no way to get back onto the Motorway for over 300 miles. Leave at Reading and end up in Inverness...all for the sake of some lumpy pad in my gloves that are too tight to allow for a pad in the first place! Ah the joys of British biking. Do you detect a touch of cynicism in me? I'm sure the problem is more me than these heat pads so check them out and if you figure out how to use them email me.

Back to the good stuff. Aprilia and more Aprilia. I have somehow fallen for this brand and almost all that they are doing. I won't be bobbing about on that Piaggio MP3 player, that 3 wheeled leaning weirdo that is phenominal fun to all accounts. But that's just because I don't/won't do Burgmany things nor scoots of any size. Oh yes, Aprilia also blew away the competition in the 'battle of the brollie-babes'. Not that such sexist things are acceptable you understand. Totally unacceptable. But one must suffer these outrageous indignities bravely...it was almost as disgraceful as visiting the MotoZania website. You sickos.

The Moto Guzzi concept bike was pretty flippin' wierd. Interesting. I think the lights are bit off the mark but it sure looks like a must-ride-once.

I did like the look of the new Yamaha Tenere. Apparently it is extremely capable in all situations, and I did consider it for the Extra Mile Bike Tours this summer, but I've done the single cylinder enduro across German Autobahns and I can't do that again. I'll end up in a straight jacket and it won't be Goretex. I was very struck by Yamaha's cheap-and-cheerful new Diversion. I think it looks very good and I assume its to battle the Suzuki Bandit.

We bumped into Big Ed the MCE insurance mascot who seemed rather pleased to pose with Louisa. I was also pleased to get a very good quote on insurance for an Aprilia RSV from the Carol Nash stand. The girl even said I can insure multiple bikes. I'd be happy to have ONE bike right now! I think that thw RSV will be my next bike unless you can prove I'm daft to go with that choice. KTM are just tooooo pricey for my anorexic wallet. As are the beers in London pubs. Which is where we ended our day out before catching the train home.

Finally, I must apologise to you for the pathetic photos. My camera's auto focus appears to have rebelled. Probably after I took a photo of the Victory...

Photos: JK tries the Yamaha Tenere, Yamaha Diversion - cheap and cheerful, Louisa finds a boyfriend at last, from the Aprilia website: Aprilia RSV4 - bow down and worship now you heathens, Mattie Griffin - or was that me struggling to ride in a mini roundabout?, Steve Colley and my abstract photo, Twin Cylinders, Guzzi concept, Hypermotard detail, shark, Woody Woodpecker I and II, R1 alien insect, Aprilia test rider, cool BSA - if there is such a thing, Ducati stand, "Does my bum look big in these pants?", London pub. Loverly.